Don’t worry, it has no Papyrus font in it.

He is a renaissance man, a polymath, a thinker, a genius. For thirty goddamn years.

The Atlanta outfit’s absolutely not glamorous sleeping-bags-and-unpaid-bills “rock star” lives are dramatized.

STREET TOUGHS, BE FOREWARNED! If you punch the guy in the above photo, he may be entitled to extra support from the police! But you’ll be punished the same as if you punched a dude who doesn’t wear eye make-up.

I’ve got fifty bucks that says they blow the Red Hot Chili Peppers right off the fucking stage.

Don’t worry, the usual shitty scene ones are on the bill, too.

Another tag team review!

Hot leather lady knights do battle.

By which I mean it recalls the videos of the band Tool, not that the members of Meshuggah are tools.

It has nothing to do with Slayer.

Dudes have personal reasons for loving Townsend. Let’s focus on the many universal reasons for loving Townsend.

OHHH, Fear Factory are going to tour with Hate Eternal!

Well, that was predictable.

Featuring interviews with current and former members of Metallica, Guns N’ Roses, Soundgarden, Mastodon, and more.

New video from the Finnish paganmetal band.

Our new bi-weekly debate column with Noisey.com begins with a heated discussion regarding how Dave Mustaine’s douchery may or may not have had an effect on Megadeth’s work.

Check out the first song from the band’s horrendously-titled new album, Seventh Swamphony.

Which is, ironically, most welcome.

Do you believe him?