WHY WOULD ANYONE THINK A KID METAL BAND WAS A GOOD IDEA? IT’S A TOTAL MYSTERY.

The below is a five-minute EPK (electronic press kit, if ya didn’t know) for an Australian band called Mystery, whose members are all fourteen years old (although the one in the red vest looks like he’s about forty). I guess they’re hoping to be the next Black Tide or Bad 4 Good — y’know, a gimmick band whose popularity, such as it is, will not be long for this world. In theory, the idea of kids who love metal makes me happy, but these kinds of things reek so badly of awful stage parents that I can never really get behind them. In Mystery’s case, shit is actually worse than normal, ’cause i) the music sounds FUCKING AWFUL, and ii) for some reason the kids are all wearing My First Hair Metal Band Halloween costumes.

My personal favorite moment, if you care, comes at the 1:33 mark, when, during a testimonial, Henrik Bergqvist, “Lead guitarist for Sweden’s No. 1 Rock band The Poodles,” says he “really enjoys” the band’s music with all the enthusiasm of someone being shipped off to Dachau. Watch:

-AR

Thanks: Jeremy