HULK HOGAN: I WAS ASKED TO JOIN METALLICA

It’s occasionally hard to tell whether we should cheer superstar wrestler Hulk Hogan as an unhinged eccentric or jeer him as a sideways freak who paws his own daughter on TV when not sweatily humping other half-nude guys on TV. Okay, shit, it’s not that tough to call actually — especially when the Hulkster pops round The Sun (UK) offices to cull the latest relationship gossip on Heidi Klum (silly!) and Cameron Diaz (really?).

Truly, the gentleman prefers blondes. Anyway, after casually implying his fandom of The Stone Roses — a major news item in England for their recent reunion — Hogan dropped these bombshells on The Sun:

I used to be a session musician before I was a wrestler. I played bass guitar. I was big pals with Lars Ulrich and he asked me if I wanted to play bass with Metallica in their early days but it didn’t work out.

Wha-wha-what? “Bass guitar”? Lars Ulrich? Really? If that sounds fishy to you, MetalSucks reader, hey look out for this:

Jerry Hall also asked Mick Jagger if I could play bass with the Rolling Stones. Mick never got back to me.

Let’s see, international supermodel Jerry Hall was with Mick Jagger from about 1990 to 1999, so we might conclude that Hogan means here that he had sought to replace Bill Wyman upon his 1992 retirement. Ha can you picture it: Sexy Hall trying to escape an unblinking, mouth-breathing Hogan by promising to feel out Jagger on the idea of enlisting fucking Thunderlips for the rhythm section of the world’s most revered rock band. “I’ll ask him I swear. Just uncuff me, Hulk!”

–ADF