MAYBE HE SHOULD CHANGE HIS NAME TO “MARILYN HANSON”

Marilyn Manson’s new single, “Heart Shaped Glasses (When the Heart Guides the Hand),” hits radios and iTunes today, and having now heard it, I can firmly proclaim: it sucks. And it sucks hard. Like the recent work of his former mentor Trent Reznor, Manson seems to have abandoned metal for poppier pastures; unlike Reznor, Manson (right, with his new woman, actress Evan Rachel “Lolita” Wood) hasn’t done it in a way which is at all interesting or relevant. Never mind that this song features Manson’s typically overwrought lyrics (“She’ll never cover up what we did with her dress,” Manson croons- is he talking about Monica fucking Lewinsky?)- this sounds like a song by The Killers. Actually, that’s not really fair to The Killers: their stuff is way catchier than this. This is the most forgettable chorus I’ve ever heard from the Americhrist Idol.

Look: I applaud artistic growth, and I swear, I’m not trying to be one of those dudes who hates everything he thinks “isn’t metal.” My complaint about this song is much simpler: it just isn’t good. I don’t know if Manson thinks he’s being trendy or if this is his genuine vision for the future of his band, but either way, this could mark the start of another hero letting us all down.

Still, here’s a funny thought to console you: this summer, this tune will be played during the same evening as… “Raining Blood.” Maybe Slayer can toss in a cover of something by the Bee Gees to better fit in?

-AR