“I GIVE THE LOWEST AMOUNT OF F*CK HUMANLY POSSIBLE”

I know this Jon Lajoie is in no way, shape, or form, metal, but I saw it on No Clean Singing, and it made me laugh so hard I watched it twice in a row. And you know how I hate laughing.

No joke: I’ve been sitting here debating about which event I absolutely do not care about to write up next — A new Kittie song? Camp Kill Yourself kills themselves? Rose Funoral: still a thing? — but this is one-hundred-gazillion percent better than any of those stories, so I’m posting it instead.

“Fuck toast/I don’t need to cook my bread/And fuck coasters/I use a little plate instead” might be the single best lyric of the year, in any genre. There are dudes who could spend literally their entire lives trying to come up something that good, and never, ever succeed.

-AR