EAT THIS RECORD

This doesn’t really have anything to do with metal, but I found it kinda funny so I’m running with it.

A Scottish band called Found has released what is, at least as far as I’m aware, the first-ever edible 7″ — more specifically, a 7″ made from chocolate. According to Badass Digest‘s Devin Faraci  (who came up with a headline far superior to my own):

“The first attempt was to pour chocolate over a pressed record, but the music created by the chocolate record was backwards. Instead they poured chocolate into the record mold, and presto, an edible single.”

I don’t know nearly enough about, like, science n’ shit to understand how this could possibly work, or what the band’s fans are supposed to do if they actually wanna keep the record, be it because they like the music, or because they think it’s gonna be a collector’s item, or whatever. (How easily would this thing melt? You’d have to at least keep it refrigerated, I’d imagine.)

I would, however, like to suggest that metal bands start trying this gimmick to sell their own shit. Of course, they would not necessarily have to use to chocolate. Here are some examples of what I think would be good cuisine-to-band matches:

• Metallica — a steak that’s been sitting out since 1986
• Megadeth — communion wafers
• Marilyn Manson — whatever Trent Reznor was eating five years ago
• Malevolent Creation — chocolate milk (I don’t know how they’d keep the record in liquid state, but I’m sure Phil Fasciana can figure it out, right?)
• Ozzy Osbourne — baby food
• Fear Factory — actual baby
• Pig Destroyer — bacon
• Cattle Decapitation — tofu
• Mötley Crüe — post-menopausal vagina
• Hellyeah — squirrel
• Emmure — manure

Make your own suggestions in the comments section below.

-AR