DUMMY NOSENOTHING LISTENS TO THE NEW MESHUGGAH SONG, TRIES TO CATCH THE ICE CREAM TRUCK

Have you guys heard this new Meshuggah song? It’s called “Two Worlds of Design.” I was listening to it, and at first I was like, “Oh YEAH! Mesuggah is back, bay-bee!” I mean, Jens Kidman’s voice sounded a little less like the Cookie Monster and a little more like that singer from that band my nephew likes, but whatevs. NEW MESHUGGAH FUCKING RULES. Amiriteoramiriteoramirite?

Then, partway through the song, I heard the ice cream truck outside. So I paused the tune to run and catch it, ’cause as much as I love Meshuggah, the internet ain’t goin’ nowhere, bu the ice cream truck only comes by once a day!

So I run outside, and there’s no ice cream truck. And I’m real bummed ’cause I musta just missed it. But I go back inside and decide to finish the Meshuggah song, ’cause that should cheer me up.

And as soon as I hit “play,” guess what happens? I HEARD THE ICE CREAM TRUCK AGAIN! God answered my prayers and gave me a second chance! So, again, I pause the song and I run outside.

And again — NO MOTHERTRUCKING ICE CREAM TRUCK. I can’t believe my rotten luck, y’know! I MISSED THE TRUCK TWICE IN ONE DAY.

So I go back inside to finish the Meshuggah song, and, again, AS SOON AS I HIT THE “PLAY” BUTTON, I HEAR THE MOTHERTRUCKING ICE CREAM TRUCK. I hit “pause” to run outside… and as soon as I hit pause, the ice cream truck music stops.

And that’s when it hit me: THE ICE CREAM TRUCK AIN’T OUTSIDE, IT’S IN MY COMPUTER. By which I mean, for some reason, Mesuggah are using the ice cream truck music in their new song.

Which is weird, right? And then they have some real sissy-like classical music crap going on at the end of the song. I think they musta added a keyboard player or something. I usually think keyboard players are for stupid bands that only girls like, but I ain’t gonna judge Meshuggah. No way no how.

So you can listen to the new Meshuggah song here, but don’t get confused like I did — you didn’t miss no ice cream truck, Meshuggah just added a keyboard player to their line-up.

-DN