METALLICA WORKING ON… YAWWWWWWN… EXCUSE ME! METALLICA WORKING ON “SECRET RECORDING PROJECT”

So what’s got the online metal community all hot n’ bothered today? Judging by my inbox, it’s this interview Kirk Hammett just gave to Rolling Stone, in which he claims the band will hit the studio in May:

“We want to record it in two weeks. We had planned on doing it in March, but we pushed it back to May. I don’t want to give too much away, but it’s not really 100 percent a Metallica record. It’s a recording project, let’s put it that way. Without getting too deep into it, it’s more a recording project than a bona fide Metallica album. Whether or not we can pull it off in just two weeks remains to be seen.”

So first of all, the members of the band are incapable of taking a piss in two weeks, so I can’t believe they’ll really record something, a “100 percent Metallica record” or otherwise, in that amount of time.

Second of all, whether this is a Metallica LP, or a Metallica EP, or Metallica just re-recording some shit for a greatest hits package, or some experimental side project, or whatever, it doesn’t matter, because it’s not gonna be worth getting excited about. You know how I know that?

So everyone just calm the fuck down. There’s a new Obscura record coming out on March 29. Why don’t you get excited about that instead? That’s actually worth getting your hopes up.

-AR