POSSIBLY THE MOST BORINGEST TOUR OF THE WINTER

Next year’s early contribution to drunk driving accidents and teen pregnancy will come in the form of a headlining tour from Buckcherry, with support in the form of All That Remains (Making their conversion from metal to radio rock official — eat that, Atreyu!), Hellyeah, and The Damned Things.

I know that Vince is a Buckcherry fan, but they always seemed like GN’R Lite to me (vocalist Josh Todd and guitarist Keith Nelson were even in Velvet Revolver for ten seconds — Nelson retains a songwriting credit on the VR track “Dirty Little Thing”). I think I’ve made my feelings about All That Remains and Hellyeah pretty clear on this site before, but in case you wandered here via a search engine, please allow me to reiterate that the facts that I’m not inbred and I expect my singers to be able to sing disqualifies me from joining these bands’ respective fan clubs. And I want to like The Damned Things because of the presence of the Every Time I Have Anthrax dudes, but I also want to understand the appeal of Glee because Jane Lynch was really funny in The 40 Year Old Virgin, and it just doesn’t seem to be in the cards for me.

So this isn’t as lousy as, say, a Hinder tour, but, yeah, I’m gonna pass, thanks.

If you disagree with me, you can get dates here.

-AR