Anxiety, Vaccine Fears Are Keeping Deftones’ Stephen Carpenter from Touring Internationally
It’s been no secret that Deftones‘ guitarist Stephen Carpenter‘s got some… weird beliefs. We’ve covered some of those batshit stances, like his adherence to the whole flat Earth dribble or that 9/11 never actually happened and there’s no such thing as atomic weaponry. There’s no other way to say it: the dude can play guitar but he’s a weapons-grade conspiracy theorist.
So when he explained in a recent interview with Rock Feed (as transcribed by The PRP) that he wasn’t touring internationally anymore because of some existing anxieties surrounding air travel, I was pleasantly surprised by his reasonable fear. Everyone’s got some level of butterflies in the stomach as they board a plane.
But then he started talking about the pandemic and then you get to the real source of anxiety:
“I’m sure you’re aware that I haven’t traveled internationally now for awhile… It’s just simple. I think, like every single one of us wrangles with getting on a plane in some way… And so for me, that anxiety, when it came around, it was was right around the time of when the pandemic started and I had already just made that decision.
“And that was because we were getting ready to go on on a trip, we were going to travel to this far-off destination, and I was like, ‘Look, you know, if I got to go all that way and then get stuck out there and then they want to jab me with something. I was like, There’s no way I’m going to do that.’ I mean, that’s crazy. And so that didn’t happen.
“I was just like my decision was simple. Like all the anxiety that I deal with when it comes to that, I was like, look, I can just put a stop to this by just not doing it anymore. And it’s like, I’m going to lose out. You know, it’s a bummer. I mean, obviously I want to go out there and I want to perform those shows and be around all the people that support us and enjoy us.
“But I’m like, It’s a decision I made for myself, and there’s people that understand, and people that don’t understand. And for all those that don’t understand, maybe one day they will, I don’t know. Maybe they never will.”
From what he described, it sounds like he’s afraid of traveling somewhere and being forced to lockdown because of another pandemic. That happened to a lot of people in 2020 and that’s a totally reasonable fear, given how recent that shit still is. I mean, you could combat that by just… getting vaccinated… but to each their own I guess.
Carpenter later expressed his gratitude to the rest of his band, who have apparently been cool with him just not touring with them outside the U.S.
“I always just fell asleep before takeoff. You know, it was actually takeoff, I would wake up, but then I would go right back to sleep. I was like, ‘Alright’, and just go back to sleep. That’s the easiest way for me to handle all this… But, yeah, I just think, like I said, for me, I was like, I can either keep feeling like this forever every time I do this, or I could just stop feeling like this and just not do it.
“And like I said, it’s not easy… I’m missing out on not getting to go and enjoy something that I used to enjoy all the time, and that was a tough, tough thing to deal with. But, you know, the other thing is, in, like you said, you know about the guys [his bandmates], they got my back. But they at the same time, they would love me there too. So that’s not the easiest thing. But I’m very grateful that we have our friend Lance, who actually steps in and does all my parts of the of the music.
“And I’m just very grateful that I have that to give for the other guys so they can go, because they want to keep going. So I was like, I don’t want to get in the way of that. That’s my number one reason. My number one reason was I literally can end all that anxiety by just not doing it. That was my number one reason. Number two is, the last thing I want to do is go to any place far-off, and then they’re just going to go into lockdown because they felt like it, and I become a refugee somewhere where I can’t even get back to my house.
“I was like, at minimum, in this country. I could walk myself home if I had to. It might take a long time, but I’m gonna get there.”
It’s great that Carpenter’s got the support structure he needs. Anxiety’s no fuckin’ joke, regardless of its source. Here’s hoping that he seeks the help he needs to tackle that anxiety and one day share the stage with his bandmates all around the world.
