SEBASTIAN BACH NEEDS TO SHUT THE F*CK UP

Seriously, because every time he opens his mouth in the press he just proves how irrelevant and out of touch he is, and it breaks my heart to see him crapping all over his legacy. Take this excerpt from a recent interview with Rock Monthly as an example:

“… the whole ironic thing to me is I have over 80,000 “friends” on MySpace but I have not sold 80,000 records; if you’re my “friend,” could you go fuckin’ buy the motherfucker? (Laughs) Who cares if I have 80,000 “friends”?! I mean, who gives a shit! I want to sell 80,000 records! If every one of my “friends” bought my record, it would be great! Whatever! Some friend! (Laughs)”

Gee Baz, maybe the reason Angel Down didn’t sell (later in the interview he uses the word “embarrassing” to describe its sales, 6,400 first week) is because you and your team are so completely out of touch that you don’t realize the Internet is a blessing, not a burden, that enables you to reach more people than ever before. Maybe it’s because your marketing campaign was positively old school, based on radio play and mainstream media. Maybe because instead of using your MySpace page as a tool to interact with 80,000 potential fans you lampoon them instead. Maybe because Gilmour Girls gave you a nice payday but robbed you of credibility. Maybe because you made a fucking ass out of yourself by jumping around like a Jersey douchebag on Celebrity Rap Superstar. Maybe because your record just wasn’t that special after all.

Look, I don’t think anyone can argue that illegal downloading hasn’t affecting CD sales in at least some way. But having platinum records the most recent of which came out 16 years ago does not entitle you to the same now, in 2007. Start from the bottom and work your way up, tour, promote, and work your fucking ass off like every other modern band has to do to make a living. Having a reclusive celebrity make a guest appearance on your album does not a big seller make. Making a living from music is not a God given right. Stop bitching and get your ass out there.

-VN