TERRIBLE BANDS STEAL TOUR NAME FROM NEW OZZY SINGLE

Every time you feel the need to bitch about tours like Ozzfest, The Cool Tour, or any other summer package-fest-thinger, just close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell yourself: suffering is relative. Yes, those tours might not have the strongest line-ups imaginable, but they do have good bands on them, and things could be way, way worse.

For example: The “Scream Like You Mean It” tour, which will feature Silverstein, I Set My Friends on Fire, Dance Gavin Dance, and a bunch of other bands I don’t actually know but I think I can safely assume are pretty awful. (If a band called “Ivoryline” actually turns out to be any good, then I will fuck my sister. Wait, I don’t have a sister. Okay, I’ll fuck your sister, then. Your sister.) The Sayreville, NJ stop of the tour will even throw in The Devil Wears Prada, Miss May I, and Your Demise, just to make extra-sure that you never ever wanna go to this fucking tour, ever.

The name of this tour was presumably chosen to insinuate its proximity to torture. I’m almost tempted to run a contest where a bunch of us all go together and see who can last the longest (without the aid of drugs or alcohol, because then it’s a true test of cojones). Unfortunately, I have better things to do that day, like see if I can get my own cock up my own ass. I’m thinking those yoga classes I’ve been taking are really gonna come in handy.

I’m not posting dates to this tour, or a link where you can find dates. I’m just venting.

-AR