BISON B.C.’S “TWO-DAY BOOZE” MAKES ME FEEL DRUNK

Okay, so, like, I heard this rumor that when some evil A&R dude conjured forth Lady Gaga, Bison B.C.’s Dark Ages was what the music he used in his satanic ritual. Don’t ask me how he got a copy of Dark Ages several years prior to its being written and recorded – practitioners of the dark arts have their ways, y’know – but just in keep in mind: Dark Ages is that fucking evil that it can unleash a creature that makes the Kraken look about as scary as that midget that used to be Kid Rock’s hype man before he died. Lil’ Kid Rock, or whatever his name was.

In case “Stressed Elephant,” the new song Bison released last month, didn’t convince you of Dark Ages‘ magical powers, “Two-Day Booze,” the new new song they’re now streaming at Stereogum, oughta do the trick. The first time I heard the section that starts at the 1:36 mark, I started moshing around my room so hard I acidentally stomped an unassuming MetalSucks Mansion Monkey from the MS Hair Metal Division to death. Sorry, Mikki Monki. Your death was not in vein, for we rock on.

Check out “Two-Day Booze” here. Dark Ages comes out next Tuesday, April 13 on Metal Blade.

-AR