WHO WOULD WIN IN A FIGHT, A SCORPION OR A RATT?

I’ve been skeptical of Vince’s recent enthusiasm for the new Ratt record, Infestation; unlike my very good friend, I wasn’t knocked out by the first single, “Best of Me,” and, well, let’s be real. Old hair metal bands don’t suddenly release awesome records in the 21st century. Just ask Motley Crue, Poison, or Warrant. It’s like these dudes all forgot how to write a catchy hard rock anthem once they turned 40.

But now that I’m actually sitting here listening to Infestation, I gotta say: wow, these dudes really did pull it off! This album sounds like it came out circa 1987 without sounding like it’s trying to sound like it came out circa 1987 (the mistake so many of these bands make). If you never liked Ratt, Infestation probably won’t do much to change your mind – but if you were a fan back in the day, this album kicks serious ass.

The question is, how the heck do you promote an album like this in 2010? Ratt have virtually no peers with which to tour – I mean, they could do a nostalgia tour with one of their peers, but seeing as L.A. Guns are only gonna bring in like ten people, why bother?

And so, like a voice drifting through the night, the answer comes: “Do a U.S. tour with Scorpions.”

Brilliant. BRILLIANT, I say!!!

Think about it: this is allegedly going to be Scorpions’ farewell tour, so you know they’ll pull in a crowd (even if they’re not nearly as good as they used to be), and you know that said crowd will actually appreciate the music. This is so much better than trying to make the band seem hip and modern. ‘Cause they’re neither hip nor modern. They’re just fun. Remember fun?

No dates avail yet. While we wait, please feel free to suggest some kind of rodent-insect pun for the tour name in our comments section below.

-AR