EVERYTHING’S RUINED: FAITH NO MORE TO REGALE HIPSTERS ON TWO COASTS IN 2010

Well, after the official Coachella announcement, we’ve all been impatiently waiting for the reunited Faith No More to announce some more U.S dates. Sure enough, keyboardist and active Twitterer Roddy Bottum revealed this week that a New York show would take place on Monday July 5th. Unfortunately, it’s happening at the Williamsburg Waterfront. Yes, friends, it appears that if you want to hear the band run through hits like “Epic” and “Falling To Pieces,” you’ll have to venture into the stank humid heart of hipsterdom. Tickets go on “special presale” on March 16, with a password to be provided by Mr. Bottum. So you might wanna start following him on Twitter.

Maybe it’s just me — but I suspect not — but outdoor metal shows in the summer in cities with high humidity are about as much fun as gluing your testicles to your anus. Essentially, that’s what it feels like when you’re pressed in with sweating fans of varying grasps of the benefits of personal hygiene. Combine that with obnoxious hipsters and limited access to (filthy) portable bathrooms, and you’ve got the least satisfying concert experience ever.

My only hope is that Old Spice will sponsor. Then I’ll consider going.

-GS