Watch: Maynard James Keenan Offers Self-Defense Lesson That “Could’ve Saved Chris Rock’s Life the Other Night”

Hey guys, remember when Will Smith slapped Chris Rock at the Oscars? Remember? Remember? Do you fucking remember? Remember when that’s all we’ve heard about all week? DO YOU REMEMBER? Ahem. In light of the devastating attack on Chris Rock, Tool‘s Maynard James Keenan has taken it upon himself to teach Hollywood actors how to defend themselves in the likely event that they, too, might get slapped in the face in front of the entire fucking world.

The technique involves having at least three brain cells available for situational self awareness and another two to recognize when someone is walking towards you with hostile intent, despite being at an awards show. Sifu Keenan then shows how the masters of old would take their hands from behind their backs and actually move them in the way of the slap, thus blocking it.

Now, as much as I’d love to be sarcastic here, I legitimately think this is an important video for all Hollywood actors. If they don’t do their own stunts, then they NEED to know how to defend themselves in case they want to mock someone’s wife’s medical condition on stage. I mean, without naming names, I’d say at least 50% of them deserve a hard slap anyway, so this is crucial.

Anyway, glad to see Maynard fighting the good fight in his downtime. Tool recently finished a US tour and hit the road again in Europe later in April with Brass Against. You can check the dates below.

4/23 Copenhagen, DK Royal Arena
4/25 Oslo, NO Spektrum
4/26 Stockholm, SE Avicii Arena
4/28 Hamburg, DE Barclaycard Arena
4/29 Frankfurt, DE Festhalle
5/2 Manchester, UK AO Arena Manchester
5/4 Birmingham, UK Resorts World Arena
5/6 Dublin, IE 3Arena
5/9 London, UK The O2 Arena
5/12 Paris, FR AccorHotels Arena
5/13 Antwerp, BE Sportpaleis
5/15 Berlin, DE Mercedes-Benz Arena
5/17 Cologne, DE Lanxess Arena
5/19 Amsterdam, NL Ziggo Dome
5/21 Krakow, PL Tauron Arena
5/23 Prague, CZ O2 Arena
5/24 Budapest, HU SportAréna