System of a Down Drummer Exposes Global COVID Conspiracy and Shrugs Off Ukraine Using Pokémon Meme

Man, System of a Down drummer John Dolmayan truly is the only guy who knows what’s really going on in America. From vaguely suggesting the Captiol rioters were wrong while backing their unfounded theories to claiming that BLM is a terrorist organization funded by Democrats for Communists to supporting an actor who lost her job at the sunshine factory for saying that being her on the Internet was like being a Jew in the Holocaust, Dolmayan really is on the front lines of today’s culture war. Now, the percussionist had decided to blow this whole COVID conspiracy wide open, and has done so using the only medium left for true patriotic outlaws: Pokémon memes that don’t really illustrate their point.

In a new post on his Instagram (which we can’t see on IG — John, a true believer in open discourse, has blocked us, so we had to get it from Blabbermouth), Dolmayan posted the following statement:

“And just like that covid will slowly go away. This is and has always been about money , covid was about money , Ukraine is about money. Resources equal wealth , stability , and power. Theres a game of chess being played by those in the real positions of power and we’d like to think we’re the pawns but the truth is we’re not even on the board.”

Whoa! John, are you saying that money and power are what drives society, and that rich people don’t give a fuck about us? MIND-BLOWING. Thank God you had this meme to really drive home the reality of this, especially one which has anything to do with your point.

We’d pick this apart, but do we really need to? Of course John doesn’t know or doesn’t want to admit how diseases work (John, you ever have the flu?). Of course thinks COVID-19 was somehow created by a fantasy cabal of rich people. Of course he’s instantly come up with an excuse that allows him to shrug off what’s happening to Ukraine (we can’t help but notice that Azerbaijan’s persecution of Armenia isn’t included among these eye-rolls on his part).

Here’s a take: System of a Down is about money at this point! The band only play big stadium shows, Serj doesn’t really like John’s conservative bullshit, and their last two singles were written and recorded solely to raise money for a cause they believed in (and one of their music videos was hardcore pro-military). My God, John, did I just uncover your next big conspiracy! Someone get me a picture of Jigglypuff so I can tell America!