Ted Nugent: “I’m Caitlyn Jenner’s Boy Toy”

January 3rd, 2022 at 9:59am
Axl Rosenberg

Guitarist Ted Nugent has shocked the world by announcing that he’s in a sexual relationship with transgender icon Caitlyn Jenner.

Nugent, known for both having his finger firmly on the pulse of modern culture and never holding a grudge, made the admission on December 30, 2021, while railing against Rolling Stone editor David Fricke’s 2010 list of the “100 Greatest Guitarists.”

Said The Nuge during a livestream:

“[W]hen you see the Rolling Stone magazine list of greatest guitar players, they list Joan Jett but not Tommy Shaw.
“How do you list the top 100 guitar players and not list Derek St. Holmes?How do you do that? You do that by lying. The same way you get Grandmaster Flash in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. You do that by lying. You have to be a liar. You have to have shit for brains and you have to be a soulless, soulless prick to put Joan Jett [on the list].”

Nugent then deftly pre-empted criticisms that he dislikes Jett solely due to her gender and sexuality…

“[I] love Joan. Some of my greatest memories include lesbians. I love the lesbians; it’s a cocktail of wonderment.”

…before making his stunning announcement:

“[I]f Grandmaster Flash is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Joan Jett is on the list of top 100 guitar players, then I’m Caitlyn Jenner’s boy toy.”

Since Grandmaster Flash is in the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and Joan Jett is on the aforementioned list, and Mr. Nugent is a very, very smart man despite having never attended mask college, we have to assume that his declaration was sincere (as opposed to if he’d said, for example, “If Joan Jett deserves to be on the list of top 100 guitar players, then I’m Caitlyn Jenner’s boy toy,” which would have indicated sarcasm).

And while Nugent and Jenner might seem like an odd pairing for a romantic couple, they actually make perfect sense: one of them dodged the draft, one of them vehicular manslaughter charges. So they have plenty in common.

Here’s wishing the happy couple many, many more years of joy in one another’s arms.

You can watch the entire Nugent rant below.