SERGEANT D. THINKS THAT CONVERGE IS SOMETHING AWFUL

I was a little baffled by the sheer number of comments that were a little baffled by the inclusion of Converge’s Axe to Fall on so many MS staffers’ year-end lists. I mean, they’re Converge. They’re just one of those bands that everyone knows are inarguably brilliant… right?

Wrong, I guess. There is a contingent of the metal community that just doesn’t dig this continuously praised quartet – and some of them are smart people, too. For example, take our friend Sergeant D. from Metal Inquisition and Stuff You Will Hate. We love the Sarge with all our hearts and respect him like he were our own Mansion-mate – hell, he designed one of our most favoritest t-shirts for us -but look what he wrote about Converge as part of a “Best of ’09 Exchange” with Something Awful!

Just to let you guys know I’m not some clueless new jack, I’ll admit that I saw this band in 1994. Back then, Converge eked out a meager living by playing tiny, shitty venues full of obnoxious nerds. The only thing that’s changed is that now legions of equally obnoxious critics fawn over their every move.

“Listen to how INTENSE and COMPLICATED they are,” gush the bloggers and tubby, 30+ outcasts who write for irrelevant hipster metal magazines. “They have 1 zillion riffs in every song, and none of them relate to each other in any way. I feel like they just pulled a handful of atonal, unlistenable riffs out of their sweatshirt hoods and smashed them together — brilliant!! They are truly pushing the boundaries of convention! Oh, and without Converge the world might never have been blessed with Underoath and The Devil Wears Prada. This band must surely be considered the Beatles of third-rate, redundant, exhaustingly dull metalcore!”

Monsieur Dee has other not-nice things to say about Converge, and some other bands, too (Behemoth, amongst others). Read the rest of his tirade here.

And if you hate Converge… well, here’s your chance to tell the rest of us why we’re idiots. ‘Cause I’m listening to Axe to Fall right now, and it absolutely slays.

-AR