This Ice Cream Truck Blasts Heavy Metal, Doesn’t Serve Ice Cream
It’s a scorching hot, humid summer day, and little Johnny is out in the cul-de-sac with his neighbors playing street hockey when an ice cream truck rolls up. Johnny, Tyler and Chase excitedly run up to the truck’s window, salivating at the thought of a rocket pop, a chocolate-dipped cone or a swirl with sprinkles… only to be blasted in the face with Slayer at top volume. The truck speeds off, its driver laughing demonically, as the kids slink back to the sidewalk dejected and confused.
The above scenario sounds like a bad dream, but it’s reality for an ice cream truck currently roving the streets of Minneapolis, MN.
What kind of sadistic prick would pull off such a stunt? CityPages reports that the man behind the wicked prank is Matt Peterson, who’s been attracting quite a lot of attention in recent days with his non-ice cream truck, dubbed Hell General.
Unsurprisingly, Peterson’s emotional baggage is responsible for this very cruel joke:
“Peterson says the idea for this demonic contraption came to him after his own Batman villain-esque experience with an evil ice cream man. When he was 10 years old, Peterson says he flagged down a jangly truck, eager to get a cool, creamy treat, and realized he didn’t have any money in his Ninja Turtle swimming trunks. He promised he’d return with the tender and sprinted back to the house to grab some.”
By the time he reached his front porch, the ice cream man was pulling away. He pounded on the porch window to try and get him to stop, only to shatter the glass into a billion pieces and cut the dickens out of his wrist.”
It gets even worse: Peterson outwardly thrives on disappointing eager little kids. Straight from the official Hell General website:
“In all actuality, my intentions with the truck have nothing to do with selling ice cream. Rather than indulge brats with over price cream pops, I mean to deny those looking to buy a cold tasty treat by playing my happy chimes through the streets. And when the children materialize in the streets?”
“I will coast right past them with the sinister look of rejection.”
Since the truck has nothing to sell, trolling locals is a hobby in which Peterson indulges only when he feels like it. “Whenever he gets the itch, he coasts around the neighborhood, delighting passersby… and demolishing their ice cream hopes,” says CityPages. He bought the vehicle, which is a retired postal truck, in 2009.
While it’d be easy to laugh at Peterson’s pranks — admittedly, it’s a pretty funny concept — and, as fellow metalheads, to pat him on the back, it’s precisely this kind of behavior that gives metalheads a bad name and causes folks to stereotype us. Not cool at all, even if we can laugh off his behavior towards kids as ultimately harmless.
Some residents think Peterson should make good with locals by showing up one day with a tub of ice cream and distributing for it free, but he tells the paper he has no plans of ever doing so, instead offering to dole out “popsicle sticks… wrapped up in a small package of air.”
