Necessary Roughness, Week 3: Danny Dimes Has Arrived

This was a crazy week for backup QBs. Daniel Jones, Gardner Minshew, Teddy Bridgewater, and Kyle Allen won games for the Giants, Jaguars, Saints and Panthers. Mason Rudolph kept it close for the Steelers. Apparently all of about four teams in the league know who the best QB on their team is on any given week. You just KNOW Jon Gruden is dying to trot out Nathan Peterman and treat it like some kind of analytical masterstroke.

Giants 32 – Buccaneers 31: I was about as big an Eli apologist as there ever was until about 20 hours ago. I blamed his inadequacy on the line, the defense, the receiving corps, anything; this team has been a mess for years now. Daniel Jones took all my excuses, added an injured Saquon Barkley to the mix and shit all over them. Of course, the Bucs are not a great team and the Giants really won thanks to Matt Gay’s inability to drill a chip shot as time expired, but let’s give credit where’s it’s due. Jones had two RUSHING touchdowns, threw two more and managed 336 yards on 23 completions. He was slinging the ball around and making plays with his feet. I texted my brother that it was actually jarring seeing a QB move around in the pocket and make more time for himself.

On the flip side of the ball, there wasn’t a ton to like for the Giants. Mike Evans teed off on Janoris Jenkins for like 140 something yards and three TDs in the first half. First round pick Dexter Lawrence had a blocked FG and a sack over the course of the game, but otherwise they made Jameis Winston, Mike Evans and Ronald Jones look like Troy Aikman, Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith.

Chiefs 33 – Ravens 28: I was really looking forward to this game and it didn’t disappoint. Lamar Jackson is another really special young QB. Unfortunately for the Ravens, he might not be quite as special as Patrick Mahomes. Over time, I think Jackson will be the guy who finally breaks out and manages to be the long term dual threat QB that maybe only Michael Vick was/could have been. Despite pedestrian passing numbers, he made some absolutely absurd throws to keep Baltimore in the game.

And he manages to beat you on the ground without taking too many stupid risks that players like RG3 (and to a lesser extent Cam Newton) did:

Right now, there’s just no stopping the Chiefs offense. Patrick Mahomes has gone Ultra Instinct; his movements and throws seem both completely spontaneous and premeditated at the same time.

Rams 20 – Browns 13: I fell asleep during this game, like I always do during Sunday Night Football. There is only so much Buffalo chicken dip and Miller Lite one man can ingest before the darkness consumes him. I know I come off like a liberal coastal elite, but really I’m just a pile of shit like everyone else. Anyway, the Browns should come away from this game feeling confident they can run with the big boys. For all the Baker Mayfield/OBJ/Jarvis Landry hype, Nick Chubb was their rock all game.

Myles Garret is also going to give Aaron Donals a run for his money in the Defensive Player of the Year voting this season. Of course Myles Garret can’t rush Jared Goff AND cover Cooper Kupp at the same time. I woke up in time to catch the Browns last drive.

Fantasy Pimp of the Week: Let’s hear it for Mark Ingram! The dude was an absolute wrecking ball against the Chiefs. Since he split carries with Alvin Kamara the last few years in New Orleans, he looked about as fresh as a nine year vet possibly could look. 35.5 points off 103 yards rushing and three TDs.

Some Random Thoughts:

• Quality of play around the league definitely looked sharper as far as I could tell. I can stop bitching about sloppiness as if I could last one half of one play without committing 13 fouls.
• I totally forgot to mention Gardner Minshew last week. That was an oversight. This is the QB Jacksonville has been waiting for:

• OK, well turns out I was 110% wrong about Antonio Brown and he’s actually mentally ill and not a 3D-chess-playing super genius. His meltdown on Twitter over the weekend wasn’t completely without merit — contracts SHOULD be guaranteed and the league has a pretty spotty and inconsistent track record with punishments for off the field issues — but dude… Maybe wait until AFTER the dust settles on your grievance with the league before you completely air it all out. I sincerely hope someone gets him some help, the dude is clearly going through something major. Hopefully, the sexual violence allegations wake him the fuck up and set him straight somehow. If his text messages are any indication, he’s an even bigger monster than anyone could’ve imagined, though.
• I need to watch this one more time:

The Number Twelve Looks Like You has an album called Wild Gods and it’s OUT RIGHT NOW. It’d be real swell if you bought it, or streamed it or did whatever you wanted with it. We’re also hitting the road with Godmother and Pound. Get in touch with me if you wanna play Magic or watch football at any of these dates:

10/1 Brookyln, Kingsland https://bit.ly/2XPKnC8
10/2 Long Island, NY AMH http://bit.ly/2NU6enp
10/3 Somerville, MA ONCE https://bit.ly/30wSBMj
10/4 Buffalo, NY Rec Room https://aftr.dk/2XDdetb
10/5 Montreal, QC Bar Le Ritz PDB https://bit.ly/2XHPxQt
10/6 Toronto, ON Sneaky Dees http://bit.ly/2XGiG9X
10/8 London, ON Call the office http://bit.ly/2JsHwWW
10/9 Lansing, MI Macs Bar https://bit.ly/30FkEJH
10/10 Berwyn, IL Wire https://bit.ly/2xOfVZz
10/11 Indianapolis, IN Citadel https://bit.ly/2XKV1tU
10/12 Columbus, OH Big Room Bar https://bit.ly/30vR3Cc
10/13 Pittsburgh, PA Smiling Moose https://bit.ly/2JMgbOx
10/15 Baltimore, MD Ottobar https://bit.ly/2XSqrcS
10/16 Richmond, VA Canal Club https://bit.ly/2XNf7il
10/17 Philadelphia, PA Voltage Lounge https://bit.ly/2JMoWrx
10/18 Teaneck, NJ Debonair Music Hall https://tixfast.com/number12