Corey Taylor Had Knee Surgery

Corey Taylor — singer for Slipknot and Stone Sour and the single most important carbon-based life form in known history — has revealed that he’ll be having surgery on both of his knees today:

Although it’s frightening to think about the fact that most people under forty will not at all understand his Six Million Dollar Man reference and may, in fact, think his total net worth is less than $6 million Corey’s knees being potentially damaged, it’s important to remember that he’s gone under the knife before — in 2016, for a broken neck — and still came back as strong as ever. So it doesn’t seem likely that this surgery will result in less-energetic performances from the only man to ever be named one of the Forbes 30 Under 30, one of the Time 100, and the Maxim Hot 100.

You’ll know Monday how the surgery went based on whether or not there’s still a MetalSucks, because if something happens to Corey, we’re definitely packing it in. I mean what would be the fucking point?