“DON’T FORGET TO CALL MY LAWYER WITH RIDICULOUS DEMANDS”

Normally it’s tough for even the biggest Axl Rose apologists (like myself) to find a way to defend the dude, but here’s that rare instance where the dude is legitimately innocent of all charges: TMZ. com is reporting that security guard Gary Armijo is suing Rose because the singer allegedly kicked him in the head while he was working the front of the stage at a Guns N’ Roses gig back in ’96.

And that’s all well and good, except that right aroung 1996, Guns N’ Roses were… doing absolutely nothing, except maybe quietly falling apart in a studio or rehearsal space somewhere. They hadn’t played a live gig since 1993, no one knew what Chinese Democracy was, and although Slash had recently quit the band, bassist Duff McKagan and drummer Matt Sorum were both still on board (Fun fact: Matt Sorum discovered Robin Finck and brought him to Axl’s attention. Imagine a GN’R disc around 1997 with Axl Rose, Duff McKagan, Matt Sorum, and Robin Finck on lead guitars. Weird, right?).

TMZ has also noticed the error and is assuming it’s a typo on the lawsuit. But for the time being, at least, we can all take some satisfaction in siding with Axl on this one.

-AR