Ten Ways to Annoy a Tool Fan

We’re massive fans of Tool here at MetalSucks. That being said, we also recognize that Tool rose to prominence via MTV in the ’90s… which is to say, a LOT of their fans are insufferable meatheads, metal’s answer to fans of ‘Dave.’

So: if you ever encounter an aggravating Tool fan and need a way to troll the living fuck out of them, we suggest you utilize one of the following methods. Feel free to add your own in the comments section! We’ll… keep… digging!! ‘Til we… find… irritants there!!!

When they claim Tool are brilliant songwriters, play them this…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tja6_h4lT6A&feature=youtu.be&t=5m39s

…or this…

https://youtu.be/4Q_tkTzWL3M

…or this:

https://youtu.be/rLOwhigl1bU

When they ask you which Tool song is your favorite, tell them it’s “Judith.”

Pretend to confuse Adam Jones the guitarist with Adam Jones the baseball player.

Pretend to confuse Adam Jones with Alex Jones.

Argue that the band never recovered from the loss of Paul D’Amour.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-hZ8TV0ypE

Argue that A Perfect Circle and/or Puscifer is/are superior to Tool.

Remind them that Maynard James Keenan and Danny Carey both used to be in Green Jellö.

Refer to Maynard as ‘May-nerd.’

Additional reporting by Richard Nickson.