Dope Play Emo Melodeath Now
Before you accuse me of using this as a chance to shit all over some band I dislike, let me say that I don’t hate Dope. Their debut, Felons & Revolutionaries, has a couple of cool, grimy tracks on it, and 2003’s Group Therapy had one or two moments. Throughout those records, Dope were doing their own crusty street kid kind of sound; they were at least sounding like Dope, like themselves.
But I just watched the video for “Hold On,” the band’s new single, and it was basically like being skullfucked by a dog. How does this video suck so much? Let me count the ways.
First, the track. Ho boy. Again, if Dope kept doing their own thing, I might still have some respect for them. But no, just as the band toyed with djent a few years ago, they’re now doing something totally new: emotional melodeath! That’s right, “Hold On” is a Bullet For My Valentine/The Agonist-style sob story filled with uninspired chug riffs and wailing guitar leads! It’s as though Edsel Dope put on a Kerrang! sampler CD from eleven years ago and said, “Guys! This is our new sound!”
Next, the video, which tells the story of a dude hugging a chick. But wait! Within that hug lie all the painful memories of their relationship! This causes Edsel Dope (wearing a suit, because again, Kerrang! from eleven years ago) to split into two distinct personalities: Hungry Eyes Edsel and Bloody Eyebrow Edsel!
Woah. What a jarring psychological profile this character has.
Meanwhile, Edsel’s heart is broken by a beautiful young woman. It seems like she won’t let him touch her shoulder with his creepy tattooed hand:
How could their love go so sour? Especially after all the good times, like when she got topless for him in that pool!
Sad, right? Don’t think you’re done with the tissues quite yet, hopeless romantics. Spoilers: as it turns out, Edsel Dope was going to marry this fucking broad! That’s right, he was going to make her Mrs. Edsel Dope!
But love conquers all, right? WRONG, ONLY PAIN IS REAL. Because as she walks away from the hug Edsel didn’t hold onto, he opens his hand, and…AND…
NO! Why, Topless Broad, why? Edsel loved you with all his suit and his car and his pool, and you rejected the chance to be his forever. All is lost! ALL IS LOST!
You get the point–fuck this video and its insipid, sentimental nonsense. That said, if you still want to experience Dope’s awesome new sound and the thrilling love story of Edsel Dope and That Chick, check out the “Hold On” video below. And if that’s not enough for you, and you want to hear what Arch Enemy would sound like if a teenage suburbanite gangster fronted them, Dope’s latest, Blood Money, can be purchased here.
[via The PRP]
