BREAKING: Michael Keene’s Stinky Butt to Blame for Recent Faceless Member Departures

Longtime bassist Evan Brewer and drummer Alex Rudinger both left The Faceless last week surprising absolutely no one — seeing in the news that someone left the Faceless is about as shocking as as learning that Tucker Carlson is wearing a bowtie.

Brewer and Rudinger already had their say, and Keene finally came out yesterday to offer his side of the story:

You guys, I have a problem. A really serious one. My farts smell HORRIBLE. I know this to be the case, but I just don’t know what to do about it, and my vegan diet is heavy on fiber… and we all know how that gets processed by digestive systems. So Evan, Alex and I all went out to Chipotle for a dinner break during practice last week, and when we came back to finish working on new Faceless material I just couldn’t contain it, and I kept letting ’em rip. Evan and Alex stormed out of the room with their t-shirts pulled up over their noses and quit the band on the spot. While I’m bummed (pun intended), I can’t say I blame them: they have to put up with my stinky ass every day in the close confines of our touring vehicle for months on end. But don’t worry, I have already been jamming with some new people and Faceless fans are going to be very excited. New Faceless material coming soon, 2019!

On another note, if anyone has any diet suggestions please let me know. I’m considering going gluten-free, what do you think?

Glad we can finally put the rumors to rest as to the reasons for Keene’s constant struggle to hold onto band members. He is not alone in his struggle: White Wizzard’s Jon Leon suffers from the same affliction.

On the other hand, does anyone really care? Brewer and Rudinger are both A-level musicians who bring a lot to the table, but The Faceless has, is and always will be Michael Keene’s show.