Tim Lambesis Wants Less Jail Time

Tim Lambesis is supposed to go jail for six years for trying to have his wife killed. But Tim Lambesis doesn’t wanna go to jail for six years for trying to have his wife killed, because, contrary to popular rumors, jail is not a fun a place. So Tim Lambesis and his attorney will return to court next Friday, July 18 to argue that Tim’s time under house arrest (roughly a year) should be deducted from his sentence.

I don’t really understand why that should be the case, though. Was there any danger that Tim might be sexually assaulted if he dropped the soap in his home shower? Did he have to align with white supremacists just to stay alive? Could his dad trade him for a pack of a cigarettes? Was there some chance that his mom might shiv him for looking her in the eye? No? Then it wasn’t really jail. Also, I think it’s always important to keep in mind that if Tim Lambesis had his his way, AN INNOCENT WOMAN WOULD BE DEAD. In the best case scenario — i.e., exactly what happened (Lambesis got caught, his wife was saved) — his children STILL lose a parent.

I don’t think Tim should be so concerned about this anyway. Your brain perceives time differently as you age, which is why it seems to pass with increasing speed the older you get –when you’re ten, a year is 10% of your life, but when you’re seventy, it’s less than 1.5% of your life… so suddenly a year doesn’t seem like a very long time. Tim will be 34 in November, but this shifting perception of the passage of time means that his thirties should just fly by. He’ll be 40 and out of jail in no time. Well, not “no time” so much as “in six years,” but still!

[via Lambgoat]