TEN THINGS I’D PREFER TO LISTEN TO INSTEAD OF THE NEW HELLYEAH ALBUM

I can’t believe that there’s going to be a new Hellyeah album. I honestly thought we’d be rid of this insipid band after one phoned-in cash-in. I guess I don’t have any real reason to be too upset though, as not only will I never ever never listen to this record, but I honestly don’t know anyone else who ever will either.

In any case, here are some things I’d rather hear than new “music” from Hellyeah:

1. Vinnie Paul taking a huge dump.
2. My parents fucking.
3. Any given speech by George W. Bush.
4. A member of Atreyu singing without the benefit of auto-tune.
5. A lecture by Tripp Eisen on child rearing.
6. Dane Cook attempting to be funny.
7. The voice of that dude who played Jar Jar Binks.
8. A conversation between two women over the age of eleven who enjoyed Twilight.
9. Phil Anselmo talking about the importance of white pride.
10. Anything by Pantera.

-AR