Wipe Your Ass with Behemoth Using Their New Toilet Paper

Man, what is it with certain bands’ affinity for their fans’ buttholes? At one point Health sold special “jewelry” for your ring piece, GWAR released a fuckable Cuttlefish of Cthulhu, and Ghost put out a package for your fleshy bits. And it seems now Behemoth are in the b-hole game, only this time it’s more about cleanliness than getting your rocks off. Maybe, I don’t know you…

Except it entirely isn’t true. Even though their upcoming album The Shit Ov God comes out in a month and this sort of thing would be hilarious marketing, the Shit Ov God-themed toilet paper rolls are an April Fools’ joke.

Over on the band’s Instagram, they heralded the “launch” of their toilet paper line with the following statement:

“Legions!! The time has come. “In several days, we will premiere something so much anticipated by lots of you – Behemoth The SHIT Ov God toiled paper! Have your eyes open and make sure you will get this to feel like a god on his throne!”

With all the shenanigans and impending album release aside, the band has some tour dates lined up for starting this Friday. You can check out the tour, which will start in Vienna and come to a close in Prague. Dates can be found below.

4/4 Gasometer, Vienna, AT
4/5 Zenith, Munich, DE
4/6 Columbiahalle, Berlin, DE
4/8 Halle 622, Zurich, CH
4/11 Olympia, Paris, FR
4/12 O2 Brixton Academy, London, UK
4/13 013 Poppodium, Tilburg, NL
4/15 E-Werk, Cologne, DE
4/16 Schlachthof, Wiesbaden, DE
4/18 B-K, Stockholm, SE
4/20 Inferno Metal Festival, Oslo, NO (Behemoth only)
4/22 Ice Hall, Helsinki, FI
4/23 Palladium, Riga, LV
4/25 Orbita Hall, Wrocław, PL
4/26 Ragnaroek Festival, Lichtenfels, DE (Behemoth only)
4/27 O2 Universum, Prague, CZ