GWAR Can’t Legally Sell Crack, So They’re Selling the Next Best Thing — Coffee

They may be intergalactic beings serving out a sentence of being banished to Earth, but our Lords and Masters GWAR are apparently still beholden to the law. Hence why they don’t just peddle high grade narcotics instead of perform as a big dumb metal band.

Earlier today, however, they announced that they’re getting into selling a legal substance that’s about as legally close to speed and crack as allowable — coffee. In conjunction with Concept Cafes and Coterie Coffee Co., the band are helping humans enter berserker mode with their ‘Berserker Mode’ coffee.

Described as a brew that’s a “bold, bodacious java, savagely sticky with muddy molassesness and foul-fruited candy sweetness,” this new bag o’beans or ground up beans was apparently created with Blothar the Berserker’s tears a long time ago. Now able to capitalize on the coffee he helped create, Blothar said it’s the perfect post-bender brew.

“The best part of getting blackout drunk is Berserker Mode Coffee. Each sip is infused with the bitter sorrow of unrequited love and that nagging feeling that something really weird happened last night. Berserker Mode Coffee is a savage brew fit for shock rock royalty. I sure feel like the King on my throne after sucking down a pot.”

Berserker Mode coffee is available to the masses right now. Bags are available in whole bean, drip, course, espresso, and percolator variants. You can get your bag today by visiting the Concept Cafe’s website and giving them (and GWAR) your money.