Liquid Death Launches the “Pit Diaper” So You Don’t Have to Leave the Pit to Piss

In the latest headline that I honestly can’t believe isn’t from The Hard Times, canned water company Liquid Death has released a new product called a “pit diaper” so that you don’t need to leave the pit at a concert to use the bathroom. Fucking gross.

The new product is powered by Depend, the famous adult diaper company, and is compatible with Depend’s guards for men. I guess anyone without a penis will have to hold it. It’s made out of premium, cruelty-free, quilted pleather that’s 100% vegan, with chains and spikes to make it look more badass. It doesn’t seem to be designed to be worn under clothing, so everyone will know you’re pissing yourself in a mosh pit. What better way to assert pit dominance? It promises to neutralize odors instantly and prevent leaks, which is just some more really gross language that you don’t want to think of when you’re thinking of standing in the middle of a mosh pit.

For some reason, the pit diaper is being endorsed by drummer Ben Koller of Converge, Mutoid Man, and All Pigs Must Die. So I guess that is a sign that it’s a high quality product to piss all over. And, for reasons that absolutely defy logic, this new product went on the market just yesterday, and it’s already sold out on Liquid Death’s website! This whole thing looks like a ridiculous joke, but apparently some people really think they need this. But you can still enter your email on the site and be notified when more of these monstrosities are available again.

You’ll want to check out this ridiculous commercial they made for the pit diaper, too.