MetalSucks’ Ultimate 2024 Holiday Gift Guide for Metalheads
Today’s Cyber Monday and while there’s no end to the insane amount of consumerism we’re all going to be subjected to until the last fleeting moments before Christmas Day, now’s a perfect time to get some shit for the metalheads in your life. Sure, a lot of these deals have been around for a week or two now, but does that really matter? Spend some money, get some cool shit, and share it with the people you enjoy the most!
Remember, you’ve only got a handful of weeks before the ritualistic unwrapping of shit in observance of whatever religious (or non-religious) holiday you prefer. So from kick ass vinyl variants and electronics to booze and apparel and everything in between, it’s all here.
Vibes High Fidelity Concert Ear Plugs
Concerts are a great time, but not being able to hear well the next day sucks. Help your favorite metalhead keep their hearing for life by getting them a pair of ear plugs. These ones from Vibes come highly reviewed and honestly, for how much they cost, you’re getting a killer deal. Though honestly, no cost is too high to keep your hearing, because once that’s gone, you’re boned.
Buy: $21.71 at Amazon
Concert tickets
What’s more metal than actually getting your slowly rotting carcass out of the house and to a show? Very little, we tell ya. There are so many ways to get your favorite metalhead to a gig, so find one that works and do it that way. Know a band they like that’s coming around? Buy the tickets for ’em. Not sure what show they’d like to see? Get ’em a StubHub gift card, so they can buy their own damn tickets. Bonus points for the gift card: it can be used for nearly any event, including pro wrestling shows and sports events if they’re into that sort of shit.
Buy: StubHub eGift Cards
IndieMerchStore Sale
Today may be the final day for their Black Friday sale, but IndieMerchStore has everything you need, from t-shirts to vinyl to your favorite website’s merchandise. Get a discount on said shit by using the code DEATHROCK15 at checkout. And don’t forget to keep your eyes peeled for more sales in the leadup to the end of the year. Now’s the time to get your favorite merch, especially if you’re also partaking in the annual Metal Blade USA store sale.
Buy: IndieMerchStore
Limited Edition Vinyl Variants through the MetalSucks Store
You may not know this, but we’ve got exclusive dibs at some killer vinyl variants over at our merch shop. From the classic Type O Negative album Life Is Killing Me to the limited edition of Machine Head’s Diamonds In The Rough 92-93, we’ve got some really cool shit. We also specialize in limited edition t-shirts from some of your favorite artists, so definitely take a chance and check out our store now. You’re sure to find something cool for you and yours.
Buy: MetalSucks’ Store
Audio-Technica At-LP60X-GM Fully Automatic Belt-Drive Stereo Turntable
The perfect way to enter into the world of vinyl, this Audio Technica unit contains everything you need to hook into your stereo or pair of speakers and get started, including a phono stage to boost the signal.
Buy: $129.99 at Amazon
CorpsePaintSoaps
Finally, you can take a bath with Abbath! Or King Diamond, Papa Emeritus III, Dani Filth, Euronymous, Dead, King Ov Hell, or a number of other infamous black and occult metal figures. If soap ain’t your bag, they’ve got sweet pentagram soap dishes and moisturizing corpse paint face masks for those post-show spa dates.
Buy: Various options available via CorpsePaintSoaps’ Etsy shop
Various Teas from BrutaliTeas
Hailing from New Jersey, BrutaliTeas is a tea company with punny names inspired by metal bands and songs. They’ve got various teas on offer like Testamint, Between the Blueburied and Me, Crantera, and Mangowar, just to name a few. The brand works directly with artists on tea collaborations, with their most recent being a Wednesday 13 black tea called Good Day to be a Bad Chai. They also have some horror and movie inspired names as well. Brutaliteas makes high quality and unique blends for tea drinkers of every palette.
Buy: Various options available at BrutaliTeas
Devil’s Care Package from Satanic Tea Company
We’ve got even more tea for the metalhead, this time from the folks at Satanic Tea Company. This little package comes with a 40 gram bag of their Throat of Lucifer tea, which contains Albertan peppermint and lavender, and a 40 gram bag of Satan’s Slumber, which contains chamomile, sweet rose hips, hops, valerian, lavender. have the perfect gift box for them. Packed with one of the company’s classic teas, a tea infuser, and a happy little mug that says “Drink Tea Worship Satan,” it’s the perfect little collection for that tea-guzzling thrasher in your life.
Buy: $19 at pitchblacknorth.com
GWAR Espresso Destructo from Grindcore Coffee Co.
Maybe the metalhead in your life needs a more potent pick me up in the morning and only the dark arts of coffee brewing will do. If that’s the case, then check out GWAR’s own coffee, Espresso Destructo, blended by Grindcore Coffee Company. This coffee company has a number of artist-sanctioned coffee blends, from Cryptopsy’s Max Caffeine Blend to Convalescence’s Brazilian Hazelnut. They’ve got other non-artist coffees on offer too, including Left Hand Path House, Faces of Death French Vanilla, and Ultimate Cinn, so there’s definitely going to be something your special someone will enjoy.
Buy: GWAR Coffee – $17 at Grindcore Coffee Co.
Metallica Blackened Whiskey
Metallica’s own brand of whiskey, created in conjunction with master distiller Dave Pickerell (R.I.P.), was subjected to loud blasts of Metallica music during the aging process inside of black brandy barrels, which allegedly influences the flavor. Meyer Sound has engineered a proprietary subwoofer that amplifies the low-frequency sound waves necessary to get the juices moving. The whiskey is a blend of bourbons, ryes and other whiskeys. Blackened American Whiskey is available at select retailers through the U.S. and for order online, although not all states allow mail delivery of spirits.
Buy: $36.99 at Flaviar
Various Oddities from The Anja Offensive
If you’re ready to stop pretending to be into “weird stuff” because you listen to angry guitar music, it’s about time to check out the Ajna Offensive’s webstore. We’re talking occult texts from antique collections, all kinds of obscure biographies and works of music journalism. And of course, lots and lots of awesome music from the left hand path. Everything from black metal made by Catholics, to operas by Arvo Parte find a place here. There’s often a low stock margin, so get in while the getting’s good!
Buy: Various items at The Anja Offensive’s webstore
Bass String Keychains and Autographs from Cannibal Corpse’s Alex Webster
Do they love Cannibal Corpse and want something special directly from their bassist? Then boy do we have this insanely specific thing for you to get them for the holidays. Straight from the source himself, Alex Webster is selling special bass string keychains from strings he used during the “Violence Unimagined 2022-23 tour.” Coupled with each keychain is a signed photo certificate postcard. It’s the sort of handmade item from one of death metal’s biggest bands that really adds a special touch here.
Buy: $33.99 at AlexWebsterStore on Etsy
Humor and Pop-Goes-Metal Shirts from Bread and Water Print Shop
From Spice Girls and Amy Winehouse to The Cranberries and Missy Elliot, if you have a punk or metal friend with a guilty pleasure, this is the place to shop. Get your pop-themed metal joke shirt must-have merch here, and support a really badass small, woman-owned business while you do it.
Buy: Various options at Bread and Water Print Shop
Daughters of Darkness by Jeremy Saffer
This coffee table book from one of metal’s most respected photographers is described as “a photographic love letter to the iconography of black metal and doom” via “a collection of fine art portraits of women in corpse paint.”
Featuring celebrities, actresses, musicians, and models, this book features women wearing nothing but corpse paint, so if metal and risque is your thing, this is for you. There are various editions, natch, depending on how much you wanna spend.
Buy: $52.50 from Rare Bird Lit
Confess: The Autobiography by Rob Halford
One of the greatest metal singers of all time tells all in his memoirs.
Buy: $19.40 (Hardcover)
Henry and Glenn Forever and Ever Ridiculously Complete Edition
Rather than go off on how much just knowing Glenn Danzig would be mad at every joke on every page in this book, here’s the official description of this literary masterpiece:
Two men. Two myths. One Legend. The greatest love story every told has finally been released in graphic novel form. This epic tome features twenty short stories about the domestic life of “Henry” and “Glenn” and sometimes their neighbors “Daryl” and “John.” (“Rollins”, “Danzig”, “Hall”, and “Oates” for the uninitiated.) The saga of Henry and Glenn is a true testament to the power of love to overcome even the biggest, manliest egos of our time. This ridiculously complete edition collects four serialized comics, the trade paperback, the original 6×6″ book, and adds stories, pin up art, and full color covers from the original series.
Buy: $19.95 from Microcosm Publishing
Ernie Ball Electric Guitar Strings
A guitar player can never have enough spare sets of strings, so why not make sure your special person is all stocked up? Make sure you check with them (or do some stealth research) on what their preferred gauge is before buying, because that’s a very personal choice.
Buy: Starting at $17.99 for a 3-pack
A donation to the ACLU made in the name of Ronnie Radke, Tommy Vext, or the conservative metal musician of your choice
Because the only thing that feels better than being selfless is pissing off irrational douchebags who watch too much Fox News and make latently or expressly bigoted comments.
