Ten Terrible Acting Performances by Metal Musicians

Hollywood is full of musicians who’ve successfully crossed over into acting (Lady Gaga, Will Smith, Ice Cube, etc.); while they’d never win Oscars for their parts, even metal icons such as Alice Cooper and Gene Simmons have proven to be surprisingly competent at it.

Sadly, the same can’t be said for most of their genre colleagues who’ve also appeared on the small or silver screen. To be fair, those roles are usually reserved for really cheap horror, action, and/or crime projects (so expectations for quality are already low). Or, they’re brought on for an exciting but brief cameo (so their acting abilities barely matter).

Obviously, we’re just having a bit of fun here, so please don’t this list too seriously or interpret it as disrespecting anyone’s musical legacy. After all, each and every one of these artists is a bona fide metal legend, but that doesn’t mean they belong in front of the camera.

Nevertheless, there have been some really bad performances by some of our favorite vocalists and instrumentalists. So, why not dig into 10 of the most egregious examples below?

Glenn Danzig – Death Rider in the House of Vampires (2021)

Glenn Danzig is nothing if not stubbornly self-assured. Sometimes, his confidence and persistence lead to great things (early Danzig, Misfits); other times, however, his projects fall flat on their faces (virtually all of his cinematic endeavors). Just look at 2021’s Death Rider in the House of Vampires, an independent horror/Western that Danzig wrote, directed, and appeared in (as bloodthirsty gunslinger Bad Bathory).

The movie is kind of like an extremely underfunded and underdeveloped From Dusk Till Dawn, and Danzig’s sneering badass façade doesn’t help. Granted, even its most established actors – Devon Sawa, Julian Sands, Kim Director, Danny Trejo – are passable at best, yet Danzig’s try-hard sinister coolness comes off as amateurishly stilted and bizarre by comparison. His monotone deliveries, stiff movements, and forced laughter can’t hide his lack of range and comfortability, so it’s essentially impossible to believe anything he does.  

Ozzy Osbourne – Trick or Treat (1986)

There’s a fundamental hipness and likability that permeates nearly everything Ozzy Osbourne does, especially when he’s satirizing himself or the music industry as a whole. Therefore, his timely turn as Rev. Aaron Gilstrom in 1986’s cult classic comedy/horror/musical Trick or Treat is inherently enjoyable because he’s mocking the televangelists who vilified heavy metal during the decade.

Novelty doesn’t always equal quality, though, and Ozzy’s talk show stint – which begins halfway into the runtime – is undeniably awkward. For example, you can tell that he’s struggling to remember and/or recite his lines due to his searching gaze, random pauses, and inability to maintain eye contact with the host. Plus, he’s completely missing a personality. It’s very fun to see him, but you feel as out of place as he does once the scenes get going.

(Also, yes, Gene Simmons gives a better performance as DJ Nuke.)

Henry Rollins – He Never Died (2015)

As one of metal’s most intellectual and intense orators, Henry Rollins’ spoken word presentations, essays, interviews, and the like are usually compelling. Although his gravelly sincerity works fine in those contexts, it doesn’t translate as effectively to his acting.

2015’s He Never Died illustrates that well. Rollins plays Jack, an anti-social and immortal cannibal who gets involved with mobsters, kidnapping, and vengeance. It’s a fun ride, for sure, with Rollins expectedly kicking ass, spilling blood, and taking names. The problem is that he’s simultaneously over-the-top and one-note, screaming and rushing through his rage with the passion of a person who’s desperate not to flub their lines rather than a person who’s convincingly living in the moment.

He’s no less odd when conversing and reacting calmly since he sounds so confused and detached.

Tommy Lee – The Goldbergs (2020)

Like the majority of modern sitcoms, The Goldbergs – no relation to the early 20th century radio/TV show – has numerous strikes against it. One of the biggest is its strained reliance on cameos to be relevant (including Robert Englund, “Weird Al” Yankovic, Hulk Hogan, Martin Starr, and Miranda Cosgrove). That said, Tommy Lee’s spot as (you guessed it) Professor Lee in season seven episode “Preventa Mode” is among his cringiest on-camera choices (which is saying a lot).

True, the idea of him playing against type and mocking rock music as “deafening noise made by morally questionable gentleman” is respectably self-aware. It’s just that he comes across so wooden (and slightly inebriated), and his chemistry and timing in relation to the other actors is so dreadful that they might as well have filmed their parts separately.  

Maynard James Keenan – Bikini Bandits (2002)

In addition to singing and songwriting, Maynard James Keenan frequently brings eccentric antics to his on-stage and video work with Tool, A Perfect Circle, and Puscifer. Consequently, he’s used to portraying unusual characters and doing the groundwork to become competent in front of the camera. While his scenes in 2009’s Crank: High Voltage, 2011’s Vile, and 2012’s Queens of Country are decent, his time as Satan in 2002’s Bikini Bandits isn’t.

The plot revolves around the titular renegade women making a deal with Keenan to  “go back in time, before the birth of Christ, and defile the Virgin Mary.” Every second of it embraces the era’s love-it-or-hate-it MTV humor, and to his credit, Keenan is no worse than the Bandits themselves. That’s not a compliment, however, because they’re all pedestrian at it, with self-congratulatory edgelord smirking that can’t help but make you cringe.

Unfortunately, Keenan isn’t any better in the 2004 sequel.

Randy Blythe – The Graves (2009)

Randy Blythe seems to love chewing the scenery in horror films, as he’s shown up in features such as 2020’s Bite School 2 and 2016’s Hairmetal Shotgun Zombie Massacre: The Movie. (He also had a regular and respectable recurring role on Paradise City, so there’s that.) It’s his first – and surprisingly sizable – gig in 2009’s The Graves that gets him a nod here, though.

The iconic vocalist – billed as D. Randall Blythe – portrays Deacon Luke, one of many religious psychopaths who torment two sisters after they have the misfortune of travelling to Skull City Mine in Arizona. Aside from intentionally looking ridiculous, his constant throatiness, off-kilter inflections, and relentless scowling lack nuance and plausibility. In trying to be as menacing as possible visually and verbally, Blythe merely embodies a disgruntled emo teenager who thinks they’re dark because they shop at Hot Topic.

We knew this was a bad idea from the jump.

Dee Snider – Strangeland (1998)

Dee Snider undoubtedly deserves respect for penning the script to this 1998 psychological horror film, as well as for sitting in the makeup chair for several hours at a time to become twisted antagonist Carlton Hendricks (a.k.a. Captain Howdy). Although he certainly looks the part of a serial killer who’s obsessed with body modifications and predatory internet practices, the Twisted Sister frontman lacks the authenticity and gradation needed to give the character sufficient depth and malice.

Admittedly, he’s better than at least half of the other people we’re discussing, but that’s not saying much, and it’s clear that at least 90% of his imposingness comes from his physique and inherently off-putting tattoos, piercings, and the like. In other words, his acting is definitely style over substance, which is the opposite of what makes similarly deranged cinematic murders such as Buffalo Bill (The Silence of the Lambs), Norman Bates (Psycho), and Pearl (Pearl) utterly terrifying.

Kirk Hammett – Metal Lords (2022)

To put it bluntly, Kirk Hammett deserves a Golden Raspberry Award for gifting us with what’s simultaneously the briefest and feeblest performance on this list. It happens during Netflix’s decent-at-best teen comedy/drama Metal Lords (2002), and the lead guitarist appears alongside legends Scott Ian, Rob Halford, and Tom Morello as part of protagonist Kevin’s conscience.

You see, the high schooler has been flirting with a girl named Kendall, and eventually, they wind up making out in a pool. However, Kevin also has feelings for fellow student Emily, so he manifests the musicians to help him figure out what to do. Presumably, all four of them are phoning in their cameos, yet it’s Hammett’s contributions that are particularly awkward and lightweight. You can practically see him reading off the cue cards as he goes.

Ace Frehley – Remedy (2005)

If nothing else, this mediocre 2005 crime drama (revolving around murder, drugs, misguided accusations, and other clichéd plot points) is marginally elevated by The Sopranos alumni Arthur J. Nascarella, Frank Vincent, and Vincent Pastore. On the other hand, it’s brought down by numerous other folks who have no business pretending to be fictional characters, with Ace Frehley’s Johnny standing out for all the wrong reasons.  

Johnny speaks with main character Will Bentley a handful of times, and he always seems like he’s falling asleep and unsure of where he is. Sure, that could be intentional given the film’s subject matter, but there should still be more complexity to his efforts. (Plus, his decision to constantly speak in flavorless and inaudible mumbles only serves to make him feel bizarrely disconnected from each scene.)

Lemmy Kilmister – Eat the Rich (1987)

Considering that Motörhead contributed six songs to Eat the Rich’s soundtrack (including the title track), it’s little wonder why bassist/vocalist Lemmy Kilmister also showed up as political henchman/conspirator Spider in the movie itself. Actually, it was his first proper acting job outside of music videos, and although the end result wasn’t awful enough to prevent him from being casted in 1990’s Hardware, 1999’s Frezno Smooth, and various Troma Entertainment projects (among other titles), it’s not very commendable, either.

Lemmy’s natural coolness automatically adds some charm to what he’s doing, but it’s not enough to compensate for a virtually lifeless turn that’s amateurish at best and transparently bored and uncomfortable at worst. In fact, it’s as if he’s hiding behind his sunglasses so that there are fewer facial expressions for audiences (and critics) to judge.