Ted Nugent Calls Bruce Springsteen a “Dirtbag”

In a new interview, Dr. Professor Theodore Aloysius Nugent ,Esq., PhD, DDS, CPA — whose vast array of impressive accomplishments includes shitting himself to get out of the draft, marrying a child, and being cartoonishly misogynistic and transphobic — has called Bruce Springsteen a “dirtbag.”

Dr. Professor Nugent’s comments were made during a recent interview with Don Jamieson.

Dr. Professor Nugent, who once advocated for South African apartheid and has argued that America would have been better off had the Confederacy won the Civil War, began by criticizing Mr. Springsteen for supporting alleged racists:

“Instead of going after Bruce for being a dirtbag and supporting communists like [Joe] Biden and [Barack] Obama, people that ruined quality of life, especially for minorities — how he can’t see that, I don’t know.” 

Dr. Professor Nugent went on to demonstrate how he himself is not racist by joking about employing a large Black man to fight his fights for him:

“If I met Bruce, I wouldn’t punch him. I always have Mike Tyson with me, and I’d give him a hundred bucks to punch assholes, and I wouldn’t have Mike punch him. I would say, ‘Mike take a minute off, go, find another asshole to punch.’”

Dr. Professor Nugent concluded by admitting that the fastest route to his heart is to simply reference a major American historical event of which he has heard:

“I love the reference to the Dust Bowl in ‘Joad,’ but I would thank him for his enriching lives with powerful music. I wouldn’t go into his communist predilections. I also thank him for doing a 9/11 tribute.”

Springsteen, an actual Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee who has sold three times as many records as Nugent has, has not responded to Dr. Professor Nugent’s comments.

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