Tim “Ripper” Owens Wants to Break Up with Your S.O. For You

…so while I’m sitting in therapy torturing myself because I’m concerned I might be a destructive sociopath, Tim “Ripper” Owens is sitting around hoping someone on Cameo hires him to break up with their partner. Cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool cool.

The former Judas Priest/current K.K.’s Priest singer tells Metal Express Radio:

“I would love to get some [Cameo requests for videos as a way to] break up with somebody or something like that, or ‘I hate you’ or any of those. I haven’t gotten any of those. They’re almost all… [Wishing someone a] happy birthday is, obviously, [a common request] or a happy anniversary — just to cheer people up. Some people have gotten bad news and they want their buddy to be cheered up.”

Don’t worry, though — Ripper, who charges forty bucks per video, is having a good time despite people using Cameo to be boringly kind to loved ones:

“It’s really fun. I enjoy doing them. I usually do ’em right before or after I walk into the gym, so I’m always in my car and my sweat clothes. But I love doing ’em, and I usually make ’em worth it. Sometimes I realize I’m talking for three or four minutes on these things. If you watch the other ones, they’re really quick, and mine just goes forever… I enjoy it, and people get a good one.”

So for $40, you can send someone you theoretically care or at least once cared about deeply a four-minute video of the Dio hologram’s back-up singer ending your relationship while sitting in his car in his sweat clothes.

…

Presumably, this person has done you dirty in the worst possible way — e.g., you caught them in bed with your best friend, you found out they’ve been stealing from you, you saw their Spotify Wrapped for 2021 and realize they listen to a ton of Five Finger Death Punch, etc. I hope no one pays for this service just because their boo always leaves the dishes in the sink or whatever. What “Ripper” is offering should only be considered the proverbial nuclear option.

Owens will also make a “business use” video for $245. So if you don’t have someone to dump right now, maybe you can hire him to lay off your staff just before the holidays? I bet if you toss in an extra twenty he’ll do it while drowning a bag of kittens.

[via]