Investigative Journalist Ted Nugent Exposes Horrid Rock & Roll Hall of Fame Conspiracy
How come Sir Dr. Pastor Professor Theodore Angela Nugent, p.g.a., MSW, TCBY hasn’t yet been inducted into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame?
You might think the answer is “Because making a few good albums 40+ years ago doesn’t exactly make him John fucking Lennon.” But the answer, according to the guitarist/warrior poet/Nobel Peace Prize winner /civil rights activist, is actually far more nefarious!
Nugent, who was once called “The Walter Cronkite of our time” by someone who confused Walter Cronkite with Wilhelm Klink, recently appeared on to the YouTube show Dad Talk Today (…). When asked why he’s not in the Hall of Fame yet, Chicken McNugent replied:
“For a couple of simple reasons: ’cause I’m on the board of directors of the NRA and I’m anti-dope. Everybody there hates the NRA and doesn’t think you should be able to defend yourself, and they’re all on dope. That’s it in a nutshell. But you know what? Even as I’m responding — I’m not angry and I’m not hurt — I don’t take it personally.”
To prove he’s not angry, Nugent began his next sentence with the generally-calm phrase “How dare you.” And to prove he doesn’t take it personally, that sentence was the start of a humble advocacy for his own induction and not any of the other artists the Hall of Fame has so grievously overlooked:
“How dare you call it the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame when you have the gods of musical genius like Chuck Berry, Bo Diddley, Little Richard, Jerry Lee Lewis, and then you put in Patti Smith, Grandmaster Flash, ABBA, but not Ted Nugent? You just lost all credibility.”
Nugent continued not being angry or taking his exclusion personally:
“[T]o piss on the grave of Chuck Berry by putting in Grandmaster Flash? Huh? It’s just indecent. It’s dishonest. It’s sacrilegious, I believe. And Grandmaster Flash, whoever likes him, they should like him. I can’t stand that music. If I want soulful music, I’ve got James Brown, thank you.”
That’s when Nugent revealed this startling conspiracy:
“[T]here’s so many gods of thunder in the Rock & Roll Hall Of Fame that the honesty is so compromised by their throwing a bone to their fellow dopers. That’s all it is. They put Patti Smith in because they all got high with her.”
The shocking news that Smith was only inducted because she shared her kind bud with the voting committee and not because she’s a progenitor of an entire subgenre of rock music will surely send shockwaves through the music industry.
In fact, I suspect it will result in Smith being excommunicated from the Hall of Fame! Just you watch: by August, Ted Nugent will be in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame, Donald Trump will be president again, and the Second Coming will have commenced!!! Grandmaster Flash won’t be invited.
[via]
