For $7,500, Steel Panther Will Write and Record Custom Lyrics for You

Sometimes bands have a merch offering that costs an amount of money so great that to actually spend it on something as frivolous as a souvenir seems wasteful… and yet, the offering in question is, undeniably, awesome. It’s one of those moments when one wishes they were rich just so they could blow a ton of money on something so wholly unnecessary.

This is one of those offerings.

Steel Panther, the only glam metal band in history to be funny on purpose, are now offering to do a custom rewrite of the lyrics to any of their existing songs, and record those new lyrics, all for the low, low price of $7,500.

Yes, that’s a fuckton of dough. In the band’s defense, though, they’re taking not half-assing this — you start by filling out a questionnaire, and then there’s “a Zoom meeting with the band [to] talk about what you want in your song and pry as much information out of you as humanly possible,” and they offer “up to two lyric revisions prior to recording the song.”

Plus, there’s the cost of the actual recording; they promise to deliver “a full rock song finished to a quality comparable to songs on their albums,” so that ain’t exactly cheap (even if, I’m assuming, they just have to re-record Michael Starr’s vocals and lay them over pre-existing music).

Also, this is probably the single greatest trophy a fan could have; think about how much you’d pay to get, say, Rob Halford to rewrite and record “Delivering the Goods” to your specifications, and suddenly seventy-five grand seems like a bargin.

Readers who have had a most prosperous 2020 can purchase their new custom-written song here.