Mimi Barks Has Robbed Me of My Will to Live

I woke up this morning and saw the below headline on Metal Hammer‘s website…

…and alarms immediately went off in my brain: “Axl, do NOT listen to it. Close the page RIGHT NOW. Do NOT give in to the temptation to see just how awful this shit can really be.”

Alas, self-control has never been my strong suit.

So I watched the video for Ms. Barks’ latest single, “Back Off.”

Oh, that I could turn back time.

For me, at least, this video answers the question, “Should I bring children into the world?” The oceans are rising, the rivers are running dry, a plague has swept across the planet, America is becoming a fascist state, California is on fire, and now we have Mimi Barks.

I have already made an appointment to have a vasectomy.

And while that decision spares any future offspring the pain of having to experience this drek, it won’t do anything to ease the nightmares which will now surely haunt me forever and all time.

So while I’m at the hospital, I’m gonna swing by the coronavirus ward and see if any of the patients are willing to spit in my mouth.

You can watch the video below, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.