Kid Rock to Help Spread COVID-19 in Michigan Tonight

September 14th, 2020 at 12:59pm
Axl Rosenberg

There’s gonna be a Nazi… er, MAGA rally in Harrison Charter Township, MI tonight. Only Donald Trump won’t be there because I dunno why. So instead, the people who come out to the rally will be treated to Trump’s fifth most-likable child, Donald Trump Jr.; Junior’s girlfriend and Trump’s advisor, Kimberly Guilfoyle; and… Kid Rock.

Rock, of course, is a longtime Trump supporter. He’s also a racist who loves the Confederate flag, despite being from Michigan, which was part of the Union during the Civil War. So a stupid, confused bigot who pretends to be a Man of the People but is actually worth millions and millions of dollars appeals to Trump’s base. There’s a shock.

ANYWAY, the good news is, the event is free so long as you don’t mind maybe getting sick and possibly dying. The fine print on the registration page for the event reads:

“By registering for this event, you understand and expressly acknowledge that an inherent risk of exposure to COVID-19 exists in any public place where people are present. In attending the event, you and any guests voluntarily assume all risks related to exposure to COVID-19, and waive, release, and discharge Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.; the host venue; or any of their affiliates, directors, officers, employees, agents, contractors, or volunteers from any and all liability under any theory, whether in negligence or otherwise, for any illness or injury.”

To be fair, Harrison Charter Township is in Macomb County, where coronavirus is in a relative state of decline, according to The New York Times. Not so much in its defense is that crowding a fuckton of people into a one area where they’re not required to wear masks and are literally incapable of socially distancing probably won’t help the county’s stats.

Anyway I sure do hope he plays “Cowboy” as part of the event. That’s a neat song from a the son of a suburban car salesman.