SHOCKER: No One Is Getting Free Mötley Crüe Tickets

Dispensing of the necessary exposition: Mötley Crüe are reuniting just four years after breaking up because money. The reunion is happening despite a publicity stunt in which the band signed a contract saying they could never tour again. At the time, guitarist Mick Mars said that should the Crüe ever violate the contract, “I will invite the world to come for free.” Consequently, after the reunion was announced, all us wise-asses were like “Hey bruh, you owe us free tickets.”

None of us actually expected free tickets, of course (we said as much in our original post on the matter), but for some reason Mars felt compelled to clarify that he was “clearly joking” about the offer. Says the guitarist in a new statement:

 “While I was clearly joking about the free tickets that night on ‘That Metal Show,’ I was also deeply convinced that we would never, ever be touring again. I would have never expected to be facing a whole new generation of fans demanding to see us play. 

“In fact, touring with Mötley Crüe comes at a weird place in time, since my solo record is almost complete after such a long time of writing and recording. But, I put our fans first.

“Anyways, I am eating a lot of crow and humble pie this Thanksgiving for those remarks and accept that some of you see this as me being dishonest. I said what I said and I was wrong. Peace.”

Oh no, I can’t believe it, we’re not getting free tickets, life will never be the same, up is down, black is white, Hatebreed and Chvrches, living together… mass hysteria!

So, Mick won’t be buying us free tickets. But I think we can all let him off the hook. He is, after all, easily the coolest member of Mötley Crüe. He doesn’t have a rap album or a sex tape or a history of public buffoonery. I mean he did grow that really gross facial hair that one time but hey nobody’s perfect.