Kidney Stones Undergo Surgery to Remove Gene Simmons

Kidney stones recently underwent the second of three surgeries to get the fuck out of Gene Simmons, according to the Kiss member’s wife, Shannon Tweed.

Kiss were forced to postpone their show at the USANA Amphitheatre in Salt Lake City while doctors fought tirelessly to liberate the unfortunate stones from Simmons’ body.

The stones were not available for comment at press time.

Tweed made the announcement on social media (below), where she also revealed that “Gene is stealing socks from the hospital,” which is certainly on-brand.

Meanwhile, a source tells MetalSucks that the surgery inspired Simmons to start marketing yet another new merch item, Kissney Stones, which are stones painted to look like the members of Kiss that you can pay a doctor to insert into your kidneys. “Gene thinks it’s perfect for the Kiss Kasket crowd,” a source close to Simmons tells MetalSucks. “He knows there are plenty of suckers willing to pay top dollar for something a handful of people will see once before it disappears forever.”

Kiss’ ongoing farewell tour will resume in November. Get tickets here.