Slipknot Poke Fun at the Mystery Surrounding Their New Member
Everyone wants to know who Slipknot’s new percussionist is. We get constant e-mails about it, people are always asking us if we know when we’re out and about, my local bodega dude asks me every time I stop in if I have any updates, and my goddamn dentist wouldn’t stop yakking about it while giving me a root canal last week. I mean, even my grandmother called me a few weeks back and was all, “Do you know who it is?”, and then I had to be all, “I swear I don’t, grandma,” and then I had to get the whole speech about how I’m a disappointment and she didn’t escape Europe during the war just to have a grandson who can’t even feed her inside dirt from the very industry in which he allegedly works.
Point is, people are curious.
And Slipknot are having fun with this curiosity, as evidenced by this photo of the mystery percussionist taken during a recent show:
Cute. Just keep torturing us for your own amusement, fellas. It doesn’t hurt that bad.
While we don’t know who Slipknot’s new percussionist is, we do know who it isn’t. It is definitely not…
The PRP says that the Internet says that it’s Zach Hill (Death Grips, Team Sleep), but we do not presently have confirmation on that. That leaves a lot of other potential candidates, including:
- Blake Harrison
- Gil Sharone
- Yoyoka Soma
- Jimmy Hoffa
- Elvis Presley
- Tupac Shakur
- Whoever really killed JFK
- My cat, who suspiciously ran away just as this latest Slipknot tour cycle was beginning. COINCIDENCE?!?!
Clown has previously said that the percussionist’s identity is “nobody’s fucking business.” So there probably won’t be an official unveiling soon.
We’ll keep you posted on any breaking developments in this, the single most important story of 2019.
