New Study Claims You Shouldn’t Listen to Metal While Driving

While we’re on the subject of vehicular destruction…

I might not be the best one to judge these things, given that I have a tremendous amount of road rage, but the assertion that listening to metal while behind the wheel could lead to erratic and potentially dangerous driving is one of those claims that sounds at once immediately obvious and like total bullshit. By which I mean that we, as metal fans, are aware that it’s likely nonsense, but it’s exactly the kind of thing that someone who doesn’t like metal would hear and be all “Oh yeah that makes perfect sense.”

Unfortunately, there is now specious study to back up this claim.

The study arrives courtesy of Auto Express magazine and IAM RoadSmart, a UK charity that has “spent more than 60 years making our roads safer by improving driver and rider skills through coaching and education.” It asserts “that heavy-metal music could cause motorists to lose their cool behind the wheel and become almost as extreme as their guitar god heroes.” Which is a hell of a claim based on a study that had one test subject:

“During the test, consumer reporter Tristan Shale-Hester was tasked with undertaking two simulated precision laps of the Grand Prix track Red Bull Ring in Austria while listening to songs at full volume from four different genres of music – thrash metal, hip-pop, classical and pop.

“The two-lap test involved fast acceleration, a series of technically challenging corners and a speed-limited zone, completed by a controlled stop on the finish line at the end of the second lap.

“After setting a control lap time with no music of four minutes 34 seconds, Tristan tried the same test again while listening to the fast and noisy song ‘(sic)’ by heavy-metal band Slipknot.

“Tristan was a staggering 14 seconds slower and his throttle movements were far more jagged while listening to the metal compared to the control lap, and admitted listening to Slipknot made it harder to concentrate on the circuit layout.”

Poor Tristan! But here’s what I wanna know:

• Is Tristan normally a skilled multitasker? How does he do with, say, chewing bubble gum while walking?
• Does Tristan have an average time on this track, or are we just assuming that 4:34 will always be his optimal performance when not listening to music?
• Does Tristan normally listen to music while driving?
• What kind of music does Tristan normally listen to in general? ‘Cause your average metal fan would likely be a lot less phased by all the screaming and disharmony than someone who usually grooves out to Citizen Cope.
• If he does listen to metal, does he normally enjoy Slipknot? I’m not sure if liking the song that’s playing would make one a better or worse driver, but it seems worth considering.

I guess what I’m saying is, nothing about this study seems definitive. In fact, when listening to Bach, Tristan “was 12 seconds slower than his control lap, dropping his speed to just 35mph in a 50mph zone without noticing,” and Kendric Lamar “helped Tristan to a time just one second slower than the control lap, [but] caused him to overshoot the finish line by four car lengths – a potentially dangerous 60-70ft.” Even when listening to Taylor Swift, Tristan was “two seconds slower than his control time.” This mostly makes me feel like Tristan is just a shittier driver when he’s listening to music, regardless of the genre.

You, of course, are free to disagree to me. You can read more about Tristan’s amazing adventures here.