Slipknot: Identity of New Mystery Percussionist Is “Nobody’s Fucking Business”

“You’re so demanding when you want the truth,” Corey Taylor screams during the first verse of Slipknot’s new single, “Unsainted.” He could be speaking to the band’s fans, who have had one massive question since the song irrevocably altered human history forever exactly one week ago today: Why would you hire Tom Savini to create something that you wanted to feel homemade? Who is the band’s new mystery percussionist? Initial rumors suggested that it might be Shawn “Clown” Crahan’s son, Simon, who has since denied that it’s him. Personally, I’m still hoping it’s one of these percussionists, although that seems unlikely. So who is it?

I’ll tell you who’s not gonna be any goddamn help figuring out the answer: the members of Slipknot. Kerrang! recently asked Clown who it was, and he gave a characteristically Clownish reply:

“‘The position you may or may not be talking about is nobody’s fucking business,’ Clown responded, before emphasising that it’ll be up to the fans to make up their own minds once they catch Slipknot performing live across the world this year: ‘The proof is in the pudding.’”

Fans could pretty easily mount an argument that it is their business, but let’s be honest: the mystery is a big part of the fun. Remember, the last time Slipknot had new members whose identities were being kept under wraps, at the start of the cycle for The Gray Chapter, it was the Internet that ultimately unmasked them. Everyone loves to be a sleuth.

Unfortunately, the Internet was able to do that because of distinguishing tattoos on bassist Alessandro Venturella’s hands, and Slipknot’s new percussionist wears gloves (and the rest of his body is covered by his ‘Knot jumpsuit, natch).

Still, I have to imagine that someone will figure out who it is soonish. It takes a LOT of people to maintain a big band like Slipknot: managers, lawyers, booking agents, promoters, record label peeps, all those people’s assistants and interns, and that’s before they head out on tour, at which point they’ll have a substantial crew backing them up. That is just too many people to keep a secret. To say nothing of the fact that the Mystery Percussionist himself has presumably already told loved ones he has the job, and who knows who those people have told or will tell.

So if you’re really dying to know who’s behind the mask, just be patient. The answer is surely a-comin’.