This is the Best Band Breakup Announcement of All Time

If you aren’t familiar with the Toronto-based sludge/doom outfit Witchrot I wouldn’t be surprised. Last night, when a post about the band’s breakup started making the rounds on Twitter, their Facebook page had around 800 likes, hardly an indicator of popularity. That tweet by Conor Sullivan has since gone viral, amassing over 15,000 retweets and 60,000 likes while propelling Witchrot’s Facebook page to more than 3,000 likes thanks to what is perhaps the best band breakup “official statement” in the history of ever.

No words can possibly capture the true essence of Witchrot’s, so I’ll just leave it right here:

“Due to the unfortunate reality of our guitarist fucking my girlfriend of almost 7 years WITCHROT will be taking an extended hiatus. I however will continue the band in another space and time, being ripe with hate the music is slowly flowing and without a doubt will become the most devastating, torturous music I have ever created. Thanks for the support, stay heavy – Peter

“Also our drummer died…”

It would seem that news of Witchrot’s drummer’s bodily demise is a joke, perhaps a reference to the infamous drummer merry-go-round of Spinal Tap. It’s not clear whether the band’s [now former] guitarist actually fornicated with Peter Turik’s girlfriend; we could reach out for clarification but, frankly, that would kind of ruin the fun.

The photo of a mangled, decapitated guitar accompanying the post is almost as good as the words themselves. Peter, with all this exposure, maybe reconsider making your promised “hiatus” not so “extended” after all?

Here’s the original Facebook post, along with Witchrot’s self-titled debut, released last month.