I Don’t Know It for a Fact… I Just Know It’s True: Metal Edition

Regular viewers of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher are no doubt familiar with a recurring segment called ‘I Don’t Know It for a Fact, I Just Know It’s True,’ in which Mr. Maher states things which he doesn’t know for a fact, but… well, you get it.

We thought this idea was funny, so we stole it and applied it to metal musicians.

Enjoy.

I don’t know for a fact that Chris Barnes is a member of the Flat Earth Society… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Brent Hinds thinks Metallica aren’t a metal band… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for fact that M. Shadows voted for Donald Trump… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that the inside of Clown from Slipknot’s mask smells like a fart that has body odor trapped in a dirty sock… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Dave Mustaine screams his own name during sex… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Brian Fair has gotten shit in his dreads at least once… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Mick Mars is actually from the planet Mars… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that C.C. DeVille is secretly a troll doll his fairy godmother turned into a real boy… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Devin Townsend enjoys the smell of his own farts… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Trent Reznor regrets ever discovering Marilyn Manson… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that regardless of when or where you are reading this, Marilyn Manson is fucked up… I just know know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that the dude from Vital Remains has a Google Alert set for his name… I just know it’s true.

I don’t know for a fact that Frankie Palmeri has masturbated to Street Fighter fan faction… I just know it’s true.