Shit That Comes Out Today: April 13, 2018

I’ll be heading up to New York next week for the annual MetalSucks performance review and I can to say with confidence that my numbers are at an all time low. As some of you might know, I made every attempt in the world to get myself fired last time I was up there. This included throwing up on Vince and telling Axl that Oceano were good. But sadly, my efforts were for naught so here I remain. So, if you have any creative ideas to help me be removed from my post then feel free to share in the comment section. Otherwise, Axl, Vince and I will be hard at work discussing all the different ways we can advance the Jewish liberal agenda through the coverage of heavy metal. And if any of you live in NYC, let me know and let’s grab a beer. Boozeman ain’t just a pseudonym, folks, it’s a title that I worked very hard to earn. It will be your only chance to tell me how much you hate me to my face.

Behemoth
Messe Noire (Metal Blade)
On a playlist with Misery Index, Belphegor and Nile
Watch: “Messe Noire” (Live)

I know that a lot of you probably shit yourselves when you saw Behemoth on here this week so I’m sorry to disappoint you, but this is a live DVD, not new music. Although I tend to shy away from covering live releases for that exact reason, I am making an exception because 1) it’s Behemoth, 2) Behemoth are one of the few bands that can justify a live DVD since their stage presence is such a big part of their shows and 3) the production on their videos is always of incredible. If you have never seen Behemoth before, or you live in a part of the world where they don’t tour, then I highly recommend picking this up because Behemoth are one of the most unholy bands out there, and hearing Nergal roar with the fury of Satan himself is a sight to behold.

Nekrogoblikon
Welcome To Bonkers (N/A)
On a playlist with The Black Dahlia Murder, At The Gates and Wretched
Listen: “The Skin Thief”

The easiest way to describe Nekrogoblikon would be to imagine The Black Dahlia Murder tripping peyote in a Grimm fairy tale. They’re TBDM with an extra touch of weird that works a lot better than you’d think it would. Nekrogoblikon first broke out with their music video for “No One Survives”, which features Kayden Kross, AKA someone you have likely seen naked if you spend any time on PornHub, and they have been wonderfully insane ever since. Again, any fan of TBDM will like these guys and even if you were never a fan of them, give Nekrogoblikon a shot and they might just surprise you. Goblinkore is the future of music, folks. You heard it here first.

Carpathian Forest
Likeim (Indie Recordings)
On a playlist with Emperor, Dark Funeral and Gorgoroth
Listen: “Likeim”

Just like with Behemoth, don’t get too excited about this one because it isn’t a full album, it’s an LP with one original track, “Likeim”, and a cover of Turbonegro’s “All My Friends Are Dead”. Likeim apparently means corpse stench, or something like that, so it’s a very fitting title for the black metal giants’ first new material since 2006. However, if you’re disappointed that after all that time you’re only getting an LP, then fear not because Carpathian Forest are currently working on a full-length follow up called Likskue – Dødens Arkitekur. No idea when it will be out, but they’re currently in studio so I would imagine it would be soonish unless God hates us (spoiler alert: he does.) You’ll know more when we do.

Yashira
Shrine (Good Fight Music)
On a playlist with Every Time I Die, Sumac and Rwake
Listen: “Flood”

Yashira are somewhat difficult to categorize. They blend together different elements of death metal, sludge, post-metal and practically everything else except for nu-metal, which is nothing short of poetic considering they hail from the same city as Limp Bizkit. I know, I said the ‘L’ word. But Yashira are not even remotely similar you can all take a collective sigh of relief. Personally, I’ve never cared much for the style of music these dudes play, however, after a few listens I’ve found myself jamming and headbanging along to it, so give Yashira a shot. If my stubborn ass can like this band, then so can you.

Breaking Benjamin
Ember (Hollywood Records)
On a playlist with being grounded from Halo 2 (fuck you, mom), parties with no girls and wearing wet socks
Listen: “Red Cold River”

I’m not sure who enables this band Ben Burnley to keep making music, but they deserve to have their testicles/ovaries removed. Breaking Benjamin are radio rock’s most boring act and are somehow more scared of changing their sound than Disturbed are. If you like this band, then your taste in music sucks because this song is the same as literally every other BB song ever released. Ben Burnley writes stupid music for stupid people and if that weren’t enough, he even named his own band after himself. That’s fine if you’re already an established musician or you’re doing a solo project, which is essentially what this band is, but you were neither of those things, Ben. You were a generic dudebro jackass who is as obsessed with himself as Lars Ulrich is with not learning how to play the drums. I wish with all of my heart that someone would go ahead and break ol’ Benjamin so he would stop making music. Oh, and in case anyone forgot, Ben Burnley is a 40-year-old bitch baby who sucks at video games and smashes his controllers.

OTHER SHIT THAT COMES OUT TODAY
Corpsehammer Perversión (Morbid Skull Records) listen
Crematory Oblivion (Steamhammer/SPV) listen
Gozu Equilibrium (Blacklight Media/Metal Blade) listen
Human Compost Exhumations Of Death And Horror (Horror Pain Gore Death Productions) listen
Killer Dwarfs Live, No Guff (EMP Label Group) listen
Leather II (Divebomb) listen
RLYR Actual Existence (The Flenser) listen
Scorched Excavated For Evisceration (20 Buck Spin) listen
Skeletal Remains Devouring Mortality (Dark Descent) listen
This Curse From The Darkest Places (N/A) listen
Wrong Feel Great (Relapse) listen

SHIT THAT COMES OUT AGAIN TODAY
Killer Dwarfs Start@One (Reissue) (EMP Label Group) listen
Kittie Kittie: Origins/Evolutions (Vinyl) (Lightyear) listen
Metallica Garage Days Re-Revisited (Remastered) (Blackened Recordings) listen