Watch Jeff Loomis Just Literally Fuck A Guitar

I’ve heard a lot of amazing things about Jeff Loomis’s prowess with a guitar, but I’d never actually heard him play his own music before. So what was it like watching Jeff just completely fucking raw that thing like it was his best friend’s mother? It was like the first time watching porn; I was in awe, and I couldn’t take my eyes away. I had to watch all of it, I felt like I needed to bear witness to the entirety of Jeff’s masturbatory display and I was delighted for it. There’s a part where his index and pinky fingers spread out as far as they possibly can and it looks like he’s just separated every bone in his hand like some kind of weird snake, and then it all just snaps back together again and he keeps playing. I’m pretty sure if my fingers ever did something like that they’d have to be completely fucking shattered at first. I had to see it all just so I could witness magical moments like that.

Pick up Jeff’s solo album Zero Order Phase now, and watch the video below:

I think I have to disagree with Vince on one thing, though; I’m pretty sure I have the best hair in metal.