REJOICE! Kid Rock is Not Running for Senate

Bob “Kid Rock” Ritchie, who grew up in an upper-middle class family but makes a career pretending to be a white trash redneck, has officially announced that he will not be running for a senate seat in his home state of Michigan.

Rock made the declaration this morning during an interview with Howard Stern (via Metal Injection):

“Fuck no, I’m not running for Senate. Are you kidding me? Who couldn’t figure that out? I’m releasing a new album. I’m going on tour, too.”

In other words, the senate campaign Rock has been teasing since at least July was all just a publicity stunt for Devil Without a Clue or whatever his new record is called. This is obviously a major relief. For one thing, it means Kid Rock has any say in the future of this country. For another thing, it means he’ll now have extra time to read a book and figure out that Michigan was part of the Union during the Civil War. So this is truly an all-around win.