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Necessary Roughness Week 6: I Never Watch The Right Games…

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Another week of upsets! How exciting? The Steelers, despite being a bunch of whiny piss-babies, beat the Travis Kelce-less Chiefs, the Miami Cutlers beat the Atlanta Chokers and Minnesota managed to murder Aaron Rodgers’ collarbone. But I’m not going to write about any of those! I will gladly read your complaints in the comments, though.

Honestly, I’m not super pumped the Giants beat the Broncos last night. At this point, I’ve got my eye on next year’s number one draft pick. I don’t follow the NCAA (somehow even more evil than the NFL), so I have no idea who the projected number one is, but hopefully it’s an entire offensive line and a set of replacement ankles for our WR corps. This game was typically Giants: DRC out for behavioral issues, Olivier Vernon, OBJ, Brandon Marshall and Sterling Shepard out for physical ones. Literally a snowball’s chance in hell… and they play cohesive football and get a convincing win against a potential playoff team. Orleans Darkwa and Wayne Gallman kinda shredded the NFL’s number one run defense last night, right? That’s cool! Still not as cool as the number one overall pick, though.

The Patriots squeaked one out against the Jets. Austin Stefarian-Jenkins got jobbed on this TD. If the initial call was a fumble and it was upheld, that would have been fine with me. To overturn a TD on shaky replay evidence? That’s the kinda stuff that drives fans insane about replays. As a result, the Bills are in second place in the AFCE.

The Rams/Jags game started off crazy as hell:

Two plays, two TDs!

Followed by this!

This was the game I was most looking forward to this week and it didn’t disappoint. Both teams looked great, except one is piloted by Blake Bortles and they will never escape that. I don’t know if it was Dick Stockton or Mark Schlereth who jinxed him first, but juuuuust as one of those meatheads made the proclamation “all he has to do is not turn the ball over,” poor ole Blake threw a pick that all but sealed the game in the fourth. Poor guy. Leonard Fournette is a baller though. Get him a QB and they’ll destroy the AFC South for the next five years. Bold prediction: this is where Kirk Cousins ends up next season if Dan Snyder doesn’t pay him a billion dollars.

The wildest game of the week by far was Lions at Saints. 52-38! Holy crap, Drew Brees must have had a hell of a ga-

drew-brees

That’s weird! The Saints and Lions combined for four defensive touchdowns and the Lions threw in a punt return for good measure. For a game that ended with 90 total points, the number one and number two career yards per game leaders (I know, I couldn’t believe Stafford was number two either) ended the day with 498 total yards, 5 TDs and 5 INTs. Is the Saints D actually not horse shit these days?

Yikes. Now the Saints are above .500 for the first time since week 17 of 2013! Damn! Who knew? Also this game gave us some Scorigami!

Fantasy Pimp of the Week

Former New Orleans Saint Adrian Peterson! The same sonovabitch who blew his knee out the first time I drafted him and then beat his kid the second time? 134 yds, 2 TDs… I guess he looked like his old self? Enjoy the havok he will wreak on your lineup for the next 11 weeks, AD owners!

Some Random Thoughts

I always hate it when people my dad’s age complain about TD celebrations and spout some nonsense like “it’s your job, act like it.” Well, here you go, old guys; Larry Fitzgerald made an art form out of not giving a single shit about this TD and it’s admittedly baller AF:

What’s up with this whack graphic, NFL? This is the best you could do for Tommy Boy?

Dick Stockton needs to learn how to say the word “Jaguars.”

Been waiting all season for Golden Tate to bust one of these out:

https://twitter.com/DetroitVideos/status/919614564592963589

The Eagles still suck, Washington is coming for you.

Song for Giants Fans

via GIPHY

Uh… I guess it’s good they won? I dunno what to say anymore except that maybe McAdoo got his swagger back this week? Yeah, that sounds good.

This week’s song is “Return of the Mack” by Mark Morrison. If, for some reason, you want to keep this schizophrenic abomination of a playlist for yourself, you can find it on Spotify here.

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